ACRES Mark me, Sir Lucius, I fall as deep as need be in love with a young lady--her friends take my part--I follow her to Bath--send word of my arrival; and receive answer, that the lady is to be otherwise disposed of.--This, Sir Lucius, I call being ill-used. Sir LUCIUS Very ill, upon my conscience.--Pray, can you divine the cause of it? ACRES Why, there's the matter; she has another lover, one Beverley, who, I am told, is now in Bath.--Odds slanders and lies! he must be at the bottom of it. Sir LUCIUS A rival in the case, is there?--and you think he has supplanted you unfairly? ACRES Unfairly! to be sure he has. He never could have done it fairly. Sir LUCIUS Then sure you know what is to be done! ACRES Not I, upon my soul! Sir LUCIUS We wear no swords here, but you understand me. ACRES What! fight him! Sir LUCIUS Ay, to be sure: what can I mean else? ACRES But he has given me no provocation. Sir LUCIUS Now, I think he has given you the greatest provocation in the world. Can a man commit a more heinous offence against another than to fall in love with the same woman? Oh, by my soul! it is the most unpardonable breach of friendship. ACRES Breach of friendship! ay, ay; but I have no acquaintance with this man. I never saw him in my life. Sir LUCIUS That's no argument at all--he has the less right then to take such a liberty. ACRES Gad, that's true--I grow full of anger, Sir Lucius!--I fire apace! Odds hilts and blades! I find a man may have a deal of valour in him, and not know it! But couldn't I contrive to have a little right of my side? Sir LUCIUS What the devil signifies right, when your honour is concerned? Do you think Achilles, or my little Alexander the Great, ever inquired where the right lay? No, by my soul, they drew their broad-swords, and left the lazy sons of peace to settle the justice of it. ACRES Your words are a grenadier's march to my heart! I believe courage must be catching! I certainly do feel a kind of valour rising as it were--a kind of courage, as I may say.--Odds flints, pans, and triggers! I'll challenge him directly. Sir LUCIUS Ah, my little friend, if I had Blunderbuss Hall here, I could show you a range of ancestry, in the O'Trigger line, that would furnish the new room; every one of whom had killed his man!--For though the mansion-house and dirty acres have slipped through my fingers, I thank heaven our honour and the family-pictures are as fresh as ever. ACRES O, Sir Lucius! I have had ancestors too!--every man of 'em colonel or captain in the militia!--Odds balls and barrels! say no more--I'm braced for it. The thunder of your words has soured the milk of human kindness in my breast;--Zounds! as the man in the play says, _I could do such deeds!_ Sir LUCIUS Come, come, there must be no passion at all in the case--these things should always be done civilly.