Antisemitism -- Fiction; Jews -- Austria -- Fiction; Middle class -- Fiction; Vienna (Austria) -- Fiction
He heard Amy's soft laugh and turned round. His look encountered that
of Oskar, who seemed to be trying to catch his eye over Amy's blonde
head. He felt irritated by that look and deliberately avoided it and
struck a few chords again in a melancholy ballad-style. He felt a
desire to describe all that had happened to him to-day, and looked at
the clock over the door. It was past one. He caught Heinrich's eye and
they both got up. Oskar pointed to Amy, who had gone to sleep on his
shoulder, and intimated by a smile and a shrug of his shoulders that
under such circumstances he could not think of going for the present.
The two others shook hands with him, whispered good-night and slipped
away.
"Do you know what I've done?" said Heinrich. "While you were
improvising so extraordinarily finely on that ghastly piano I tried to
get the real hang of that libretto that I spoke to you about in the
spring."
"Oh, the opera libretto! that _is_ interesting. Won't you tell me?"
Heinrich shook his head. "I should like to, but the unfortunate thing
is, as you've already seen, that it's really not yet finished--like
most of my other so-called plots."
George looked at him interrogatively. "You had a whole lot of things on
hand last spring, when we saw each other last."
"Yes, I have made a lot of notes, but to-day I've done nothing more
than sentences ... no words, no, just letters on white paper. It's just
as if a dead hand had touched everything. I'm frightened the next time
I tackle the thing that it will all fall to pieces like tinder. Yes,
I've been going through a bad time, and who knows if there's a better
one in store for me?"
George was silent. Then he suddenly remembered the notice in the
papers which he had read somewhere or other about Heinrich's father,
the former deputy, Doctor Bermann. He suspected that that might be the
reason. "Your father is ill, isn't he?" he asked.
Heinrich answered without looking at him. "Yes, my father has been in a
mental home since June."
George shook his head sympathetically.
Heinrich continued: "Yes, it's an awful business, even though I
wasn't on very intimate terms with him during the last months it is
indescribably awful, and goes on being so."
"I can quite understand," said George, "not making any headway with
one's work under circumstances like that."
"Yes," answered Heinrich hesitatingly. "But it's not that alone. To be
quite frank that business plays a comparatively subordinate part in my
present mental condition. I don't want to make myself out better than I
am. Better...! Should I be better...!" He gave a short laugh and then
went on speaking. "Look here, yesterday I still thought that it was the
accumulation of every possible misfortune that depressed me so. But
to-day I've had an infallible proof that things of no importance at
all, positively silly things in fact, affect me more deeply than very
real things like my father's illness. Disgusting, isn't it?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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