The cool determination of Gertrude's conduct, the resolution which did
not shrink from a proceeding calculated to excite at least observation
by her servants, took Gilbert Lloyd completely by surprise.
Concealing, by a desperate effort, the passion of anger which flamed
up in him, he turned away from the door, and got into the hansom
awaiting him; but when quite out of sight of the gilded-bronze gates,
and the miniature plantation of the Bayswater villa, he stopped the
cab, got out, and pulling his hat down over his brow, walked
on rapidly, in a mood strange indeed to his calculating and
self-contained nature.
By what fatality had this woman once more turned up in his life--this
woman of whom he was well rid, his marriage with whom had been a
mistake--a failure--and his parting with whom had been the
commencement of a new and decidedly fortunate era in his life? His
thoughts were in a whirl, and for a time resisted his attempts to
reduce them to order and sequence. The physical convulsion of rage
claimed to have its way first, and had it. He had known that feeling
many times in his life--the maddening anger which turns the face white
and the lips livid, which makes the heart beat with suffocating
throbs, and dims the sight. He knew all about that, and he had to bear
it now, and to bear it in silence, without the relief of speech, with
only the aid of solitude. He could not swear at Gertrude now, as he
had done many a time when annoyance had come to him through her; he
could not insult, threaten, strike her now; and much of the fury he
felt was due to the powerlessness which drove him nearly mad, and
which was his own doing. Ay, that was the worst of it, the least
endurable part of the wrath which raged within him. This woman, who
had been in his power, and had been made to experience the full
significance of her position; who had loved him once, and of whom he
had wearied, as it was in his nature to weary of any desired object
when attained,--this woman held him in supreme indifference and
contempt, and set him at naught without fear or hesitation. In the
force and irrationality of his anger, he forgot that she was acting
quite within the letter and the spirit of the convention made between
them; that he it was who had abandoned its spirit at almost the first
sight of her, and had now received a humiliating check in endeavouring
to violate its letter. For a long time his anger was blind, fierce,
and unreasoning--directed almost as much against himself as against
Gertrude--his wife! his wife! as he called her a hundred times over,
in the vain assertion of a position which he had voluntarily
abdicated, and which he knew, in the bottom of his angry heart--even
while the anger seethed within it--he would not be prepared to resume,
were the opportunity afforded him. But as he walked on and on, getting
by degrees into outlying regions of the far west--almost as little
known to him as California--the habit of calculation, of arranging his
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