thoughts, of (metaphorically) laying his head on the exact process or
combination which he required--a faculty and habit of which he felt
the value every day--resumed its sway over him, and he no longer raged
blindly about what had happened, but set himself to think it out.
This, then, was a _parti pris_ on the part of Gertrude; this, then,
was a game in which he was her adversary--with a purpose to gain;
she--his, with nothing in view but his defeat. Her cards were resolute
ignoring of his existence; the absolute and inexorable adherence to
the agreement made between them at Brighton. His cards were persistent
following and watching of her, which the coincidences of his position
and the facility with which he could make her circle of acquaintance
his, added to the exigencies of her professional career, which she
could not control, however unwelcome they might be, rendered easy of
playing. The next question was, what end did he propose to himself in
this sudden revulsion of feeling, this sudden irruption into his
prosperous and pleasant life of an element which he had hoped,
intended, and believed to be banished from it for ever? This question
he could not answer clearly. The mists of anger and jealousy arose
between him and the outline of his purpose. Was it to undo the past?
Was it to woo and win once more this woman, whom he had driven away
from him, and who had just made evident to him the weakness of his
determination and the strength of her own? Was it to put himself
entirely and unreservedly under the yoke of her power, from whose
possible imposition he had been glad to escape by the final expedient
to which he had resorted? Had he any such rash, insane notion as this
in his thoughts? He did not know, he was not certain; he was not sure
of anything but this--that Gertrude had refused to see him, and that
he was resolved she should, come what might; she should not carry that
point, she should not have the triumph at once of fidelity to their
strange unnatural compact on her own part, and of having forced him to
break it on his. He had dismissed her easily enough from his thoughts,
but he could not dismiss her from them now; she kept possession of
them now, in the pride of her beauty--how handsome she was! he
had never supposed she would have grown into such commanding,
self-possessed beauty as hers was now--and in the triumph of her
talent--as she had never done since the brief earliest days of their
disastrous marriage. Gilbert Lloyd was a man on whom success of any
kind produced a strong impression. It counted for much in the
rekindling of his former passion for Gertrude that she was now a
successful artist, her supposed name in everyone's mouth, holding her
own before the world, a woman with a position, an _entourage_, and an
independent career. His thoughts wandered away among scenes which he
had long forgotten, in which she was the central figure, and into
imaginary pictures of her present life; and he repeated over and over
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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