England -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; English fiction -- 20th century; Families -- Fiction; Spouses -- Fiction
“Oh, but need everybody do something pompous and heavy like justifying
their existence, or accepting a responsibility, or--or carrying
an unsmirched reputation? Can’t just one here and there--me, for
instance--run along lightly, as though I left no footprint? As though
I didn’t count? It’s so tiring to count. And to be sure of seeing the
same people every day, and the same set of habits ... the same old
standards ... same old places. You stick on because you love some one,
or because of health, or because you lack courage. And words like
outlaw and pirate and solitude are not for you ... not for you ... you
try not to hear them. But I don’t love any one now, thank God! and I’m
strong as the wind, and not afraid of anything except to be crowded.”
“Claustrophobia ...” murmured the up-to-date Louis. She had never
heard the word: “Oh, I won’t pretend any more that it’s a sacrifice
for me to run away; it isn’t; it’s escape--and not very clever of you
to have discovered that! But as it happens, I can be generous to the
girl in the room, and yet in the same breath win back the room for
myself. I must apologize for dragging you in as a dummy, Louis,” with
a whimsical drop from exultation; “but I must at least pretend to elope
in more tangible and more sinister company than just my own. They
haven’t enough imagination in the Divorce Courts to accept me as the
co-respondent as well as the defendant.”
“You can hardly expect it of them, my dear.” In an absent fashion the
man paced the room. He had forgotten his own claims and injury; intent
on this would-be Undine, who was defying the very existence of her
human soul....
“You talk of being generous to the girl in the room,” he broke out,
abruptly. “What about your husband? Is he worth your gift?”
“No,” frankly. “That’s why I left him out. Doug--oh, he’s noisy and
cheap romantic, and jumps over tea-tables; that’s not the harm in him.
But he can’t be faithful. And that goes as deep as _he_ goes. And
so he grabs your lonely dreams--and gives back nothing.”
“And so you grab the girl’s lonely dreams, and give her--Doug. You, who
have tried him, and found out what he does. You can’t coolly abandon
your own mistake without working it out to the end.”
“Don’t--be quiet--I won’t hear....” Ursula’s clenched hands were pushed
out as though in fight against his argument; but her eyes, scared and
very light round the dilated pupils, were as though suddenly woken from
a spell. “I’m going,” she muttered; but he caught her by the wrists
and continued ruthlessly:
“In a few years hence, Christine will go through all the torture you’ve
been through. Leave her the room with the white walls--and she’ll be
luxuriantly and youthfully sorrowful over her lost hero--and forget
him. You can’t safeguard the girl any other way than by remaining
Doug’s wife yourself.”
“Why should I safeguard her?” cried Ursula.
“Why should you have preserved Hal from damage, nine years ago? You had
to, that’s all.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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