These three years in Senegal, which have already thinned the ranks of the
spahis, have spared him. His face is bronzed; his strength has developed;
his features are more refined, and their original delicacy and beauty
still more accentuated.
A certain lack of moral tone, periods of indifference and oblivion, a
kind of insensibility of the heart, alternating suddenly with painful
awakenings—such are the sole effects that these three years have
succeeded in producing upon him. The climate of Senegal has gained no
further hold upon his powerful nature.
He has by degrees developed into a model soldier, punctual, vigilant,
brave. And yet he still wears only humble, woollen stripes on his
sleeve. The gold stripes of quartermaster, which have often been dangled
before his eyes, have always been refused him. To begin with, he has
no influence, and then, above all, there is the scandal of living with
a black woman.... To get drunk, to go on the racket, to be brought back
with a broken head, to commit drunken assaults by night with one’s sabre
on passers-by, to roam from tavern to tavern, to stoop to all kinds of
degradation—that sort of thing is all very well.
But to have turned from the path of virtue—simply for one’s own private
pleasure—a small captive living in a respectable house, and provided with
the sacrament of baptism—such a thing cannot be tolerated....
Formerly Jean used to receive very violent reproofs on this subject from
his superior officers, combined with terrible threats and insults. He had
uncovered his proud head to the storm, and then he had listened with the
stoicism demanded by discipline, concealing under a certain semblance of
contrition a wild desire to avail himself of his riding whip.
Yet, for all that, he did not alter his course of conduct by a hair’s
breadth....
A little more dissimulation was practised, perhaps, for a few days. But
he kept Fatou.
His feelings on the subject of that little creature were so complicated
that wiser men than he would have wasted their energy trying to analyse
them. As for Jean, he surrendered himself without understanding, as if to
the beguiling charm of a love-philtre. He had not the strength to part
from her. The veil that lay upon his past and his memories grew gradually
denser; now he followed unresisting the dictates of the perturbed,
irresolute heart that separation and exile had led astray....
And day after day, day after day, always that same sun! To see it rising
every morning at the same hour with relentless regularity, bare of
clouds, with none of the freshness of dawn—this sun, yellow or red, which
the flatness of the landscape rendered visible, as at sea, from its first
appearance above the horizon, and which, scarcely risen, began to convey
to head and temples a painful, impressive sensation of burning heat.
* * * * *
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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