The Scaring off of Teddy Dawson: A Comedy in One Act — John Shaqi
The Scaring off of Teddy Dawson: A Comedy in One ActBrighouse, Harold
General
The Scaring off of Teddy Dawson: A Comedy in One Act
Brighouse, Harold
Courtship -- Drama; English drama -- 20th century; Families -- Drama; London (England) -- Drama
Polly (_kindly_). I dunno that 'e'll do 'im much 'urt. 'E only means to
frighten 'im orf comin' rahnd tryin' to court a girl that's too young
to know wot marryin' means. Yer silly girl! Toime 'ul come soon enough.
'Ere, dry yer eyes an' come to yer mother. When proper time comes,
yer'll not foind us backward at lettin' yer go. It's not come yet by
years. Yer taken by 'is looks an' 'is bold ways. It ain't looks as make
a man. This 'un's one of them sort as bring woe to a girl wot's fool
enough to wed 'em. 'E's your fust, but yer not 'is fust, not by many a
one.
Liza (_indignantly_). 'E says I am.
Polly. Hark to that now. Creditin' anything a feller tells yer when 'e's
lurin' yer to 'is arms. (_The whistle pipes l. Liza hears it and jerks
up her head. Polly fails to notice it._) Eh, not that I blame yer so
much, yer too young to know different. P'raps yer'd best go to yer
bed, as yer father said, an' ave yer cry out. Yer'll be better in the
mornin'.
Liza (_with a quick look off l. in the direction of the whistling_).
All right, mother. (_She reaches the door, losses her head defiantly
and exit l. Polly gets some matches and is about to light the gas when
Andrew opens the door c. and returns buckling on his belt. It is growing
gradually darker. Polly puts the match box down unused._)
Polly. Well, 'ave yer trounced 'im?
Andrew. No. 'E dodged me some'ow an I 'eard is darned whistle goin'
impudent afterward I reckon 'e wants to get 'er out, but I'll watch 'im
at it.
Polly. Liza's gorn to bed to 'ave 'er cry out. She'll get over it by
mornin'. Young 'uns don't take love bad. (_Whistle sounds off l._)
Andrew (_moving to door c._). Darn 'im for a piece of brassen impudence!
If I don't break an' spoil 'is whistle for 'im, my name's not Andrew
Bettesworth. I'll raise a lump on 'is thick 'ead big enough for 'im to
'ang 'is 'at on.
Polly (_detaining him with her hand on his arm_). I'm not so sure,
Andrew. I've bin thinkin' as that's not right road o' dealin' with 'im.
Andrew. Right or wrong, 'e'll feel the weight of my belt with my arm
behind it when I catch 'im.
Polly. I'll tell yer wot I'm thinkin. Yer leathered the fellers wot came
after Martha an' Sally, but it didn't choke 'em orf. Made 'em all the
keener. Made 'em think the girls was jewels, or yer'd not make so much
fuss abart lettin' go of 'em. Let this feller think the girl's a wrong
'un an' 'e'll cool orf quick enough.
Andrew. Well, so they are jewels, an' Liza's the best of the bunch.
Polly. Yus, o' course she is, but you don't need to let 'im know it.
Make 'im think yer'd be glad to get shut of 'er. Then 'e'll start
thinkin' there's somethin' wrong abart the girl an' lave er' alone.
Andrew. (_shaking her off_). Garn, that's all woman's bunkum. It takes
a man to dal with a job like this 'ere. Wot 'e wants is a thick ear an'
I'll stick it out till I catch 'im an' give it 'im an all.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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