The Schoolmistress: A Farce in Three ActsPinero, Arthur Wing
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The Schoolmistress: A Farce in Three Acts
Pinero, Arthur Wing
Comedy plays; English drama -- 19th century
But you're not staying with them. Oh, Carrie, how can you meet my
fearless glance when you recall that my last words yesterday were
"Cabman, drive to Paddington--the lady will pay your fare?"
MISS DYOTT.
I cannot deny that it is by accident you have discovered that I am Queen
Honorine in Otto Bernstein's successful comic opera.
QUECKETT.
And what do you think my family would think of that!
MISS DYOTT.
It is true that the public now know me as Miss Constance Delaporte.
QUECKETT.
[_Indignantly._] Oh! Miss Constance Delaporte!
MISS DYOTT.
The new and startling contralto--her first appearance.
QUECKETT.
And have I, a Queckett, after all, gone and married a Connie?
MISS DYOTT.
You have! It is true too, that last night, while you and my pupils were
dilating, I was singing--ay, and at one important juncture, dancing!
QUECKETT.
[_ With horror._] No, no--not dancing!
MISS DYOTT.
Madly, desperately, hysterically, dancing!
QUECKETT.
And to think--if there was any free list--that my brother Bob may have
been there.
MISS DYOTT.
But do you guess the one thought that prompted me, buoyed me up, guided
my steps, and ultimately produced a lower G of exceptional power.
QUECKETT.
[_With a groan._] No.
MISS DYOTT.
The thought that every note I sang might bring a bank-note to my lonely
Vere at home.
QUECKETT.
Carrie
MISS DYOTT.
I went through the performance in a dream! The conductor's bâton beat
nothing but, "Vere, Vere, Vere," into my eyes. Some one applauded me!
I thought, "Ah, that's worth a new hat to Vere!" I sang my political
verse--a man very properly hissed. "He has smashed Vere's new hat," I
murmured. At last came my important solo. I drew a long breath, saw
a vision of you reading an old copy of _The Rock_, by the fireside at
home--and opened my mouth. I remembered nothing more till I found myself
wildly dancing to the _refrain_ of my song. The audience yelled with
approbation--I bowed again and again--and then tottered away to sink
into the arms of the prompter with the words, "Vere, catch your Carrie!"
QUECKETT.
But my family--my brother Bob--
MISS DYOTT.
What have they ever done for you? While I--it was my ambition to devote
every penny of my salary to your little wants.
QUECKETT.
And isn't it?
MISS DYOTT.
No--Vere Albany Bute Queckett; it isn't. The moment I dragged you down
that ladder last night, and left behind me the smouldering ruins of
Volumnia College, I became an altered woman.
QUECKETT.
Then I will lay the whole affair before my family.
MISS DYOTT.
Do, and tell them to what your selfishness has brought you--that where
there was love there is disdain, where there was claret there will be
beer, where there were cigars there will be pipes, and where there was
Poole there will be Kino!
QUECKETT.
Oh, why didn't I wait and marry a lady?
MISS DYOTT.
You did marry a lady! But scratch the lady and you find a hardworking
comic actress!
QUECKETT.
Be silent, madam!
MISS DYOTT.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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