The Schoolmistress: A Farce in Three ActsPinero, Arthur Wing
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The Schoolmistress: A Farce in Three Acts
Pinero, Arthur Wing
Comedy plays; English drama -- 19th century
What? Let the mysterious person who has won Miss Dyott pause before he
steps between a young bride and bridegroom! Ladies, Miss Dyott's husband
is ours for the holidays. One frown from him and his dinners shall be
wrecked, his wine watered, his cigars dampened. He shall find us not
girls but Gorgons! [_A loud knock and ring are heard at the front door.
Jane crosses the hall._]
ERMYNTRUDE, GWENDOLINE, AND DINAH.
[ _Under their breath._] Miss Dyott! Miss Dyott! [_They quickly
disappear. Peggy remains, hastily concealing the letter. Miss Dyott
enters. She is a good-looking, dark woman of dignified presence and
rigid demeanour, her dress and manner being those of the typical
schoolmistress._] Is that Miss Hesslerigge?
PEGGY.
[Demurely.] Yes, Miss Dyott.
MISS DYOTT.
How have the young ladies been employing themselves?
PEGGY.
I have been reading aloud to them, Miss Dyott.
MISS DYOTT.
Is Mr. Que------is my husband down yet?
PEGGY.
I've not had the pleasure of seeing him, Miss Dyott.
MISS DYOTT.
You can join the young ladies, thank you.
PEGGY.
Thank you, Miss Dyott. [_In the doorway she waves Reginald's letter
defiantly, but quickly disappears as Miss Dyott turns round._]
MISS DYOTT.
Now, if Vere will only remain upstairs a few moments longer! [_She goes
hurriedly to the left-hand door, listens, and turns the key, then to the
centre door, listens again and appears satisfied, after which she throws
open the window and waves her handkerchief, calling in a loud whisper._]
Mr. Bernstein! Mr. Bernstein! I have left the door on the latch. Come
in, please. [_Closing the window and going to the door. Very shortly
afterwards, Otto Bernstein, a little elderly German, with the air of a
musician, enters the room._] Thank you for following me so quickly.
[_Closing the door and turning the key._]
BERNSTEIN.
You seemed so agitated that I came after your cab mit anoder.
MISS DYOTT.
Agitated--yes. Tell me--miserable woman that I am--tell me, what did I
sound like at rehearsal this morning?
BERNSTEIN.
Cabital--cabital. Your voice comes out rich and peautiful. Marks my
vord--you will make a hit to-night. Have you seen your new name in de
pills?
MISS DYOTT.
The pills?
BERNSTEIN.
The blay-pills.
MISS DYOTT.
I should drop flat on the pavement, if I did.
BERNSTEIN.
It looks very vine. [_Quoting._] "Miss Gonstance Delaporte as Queen
Honorine, in Otto Bernstein's new Gomic Opera, 'Pierrette,' her vurst
abbearance in London."
MISS DYOTT.
Oh, how disgraceful!
BERNSTEIN.
Disgraceful! To sing such melodies! No--no, please. Disgraceful! Vy
did you appeal to me, dree weeks ago, to put you in the vay of getting
through the Christmas vacation?
MISS DYOTT.
[_Tearfully._] You don't know everything. Sit down! I can trust you. You
are my oldest friend, and were a pupil of my late eminent father. Mr.
Bernstein, I am no longer a single woman.
BERNSTEIN.
Oh, I am very bleased. I wish you many happy returns of the--eh--no--I
congratulate you.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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