The Secret Life: Being the Book of a Heretic — John Shaqi
The Secret Life: Being the Book of a HereticBisland, Elizabeth
Philosophy
The Secret Life: Being the Book of a Heretic
Bisland, Elizabeth
Diaries
The narrow street of white houses seemed the
only possible form for a street. I had no consciousness of anything
different or more modern. The man's eager, stern face, with the heavy
beard and the high head-dress, looked in no way strange or unfamiliar.
With that double consciousness with which we are all familiar when
awake, I watched the movement of his lips and the wagging of his beard
as he talked, full of a sense of distaste, and thought, while listening
to his flow of clear words, "How tiresome these religious men are!"
Another time I was aware of standing in the dark, sword in hand (I
seemed to be a man and the seeming was not strange to me), listening
with furious pulses to a confusion of clashing blades and stamping
of feet. Under the surface of passionate excitement the deeper
sub-consciousness said: "All is lost! The conspiracy is a failure!"
I was aware of a cool bravado which recognized the uselessness of
attempting escape. The dice had been thrown--they had turned up wrong,
that was all. Yet so vigorous and courageous was the heart of this
man that he was still buoyantly unafraid. There was a rush of bodies
by him; the door swung back against him, crushing him to the wall,
and a few moments later, under guard, he was passing through a long,
low corridor of stone. The torches showed the groined arch above him,
and, a cell being unlocked, for the first time he felt afraid. Inside
was a big bear with a collar about its neck, and two villainous-faced
mountebanks sat surlily upon the floor. The man was very much afraid at
the thought of such companions, for his hands were tied and he had no
sword; yet he reasoned jovially with his guards, not wishing to show
his real terror. After some protests his sword was returned to him and
he stepped inside, again cheerfully confident. The door clanged to
behind him and the dream faded. All the conditions of the dream, the
change of sex, the strange clothes and faces, the arched corridor, the
men with the bear, seemed to my senses perfectly natural. They were
quite commonplace, and of course. For the most part, however, my dreams
are the fantastic hodge-podge common to dreamers, such as might result
from the unsorted, unclassified memories of a thousand persons flung
down in a heap together and grasped without choice. One curious fact
I have noted is that though I am a wide and omnivorous reader, I have
never had a dream or impression in sleep which might not have been part
of the experience of some one of European or American ancestry. I am
an ardent reader of travel and adventure, but never have I imagined
myself in Africa, nor have the landscapes of my dreams been other than
European or American.
Mr. Howells, in "True I Talk of Dreams," added confirmation on this
point by saying that he had never been able to discover a dreamer
who had seen in his dreams a dragon or any such beast of impossible
proportions.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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