Then it was really that he guessed, though there was something in him
that couldn't make him eagerly jump to it. "Of course," he vaguely
observed, "your having had your fill----!"
"Yes," she sighed with all the meaning his drop didn't grasp, "I've had
my fill!"--and she turned away as if he might already now see too much.
The next minute, however, she was upon him again with what had to serve
for the time as the rest of the story. "It's too monstrous a thing to
ask, and I don't ask it. It makes everything so impossible that I should
have liked a thousand times better your not speaking to me. It can do,
you see, neither of us any good; for it only offers me as rather
crazy--as heartlessly perverse if you like--and yet gives you no hope of
curing or redeeming me. I should have to ask, you know," she now fully
explained, "for a vow."
He smiled from further off. "That I shall take my oath----?"
"Never yourself to go."
"Not anywhere, you mean?"
Her pause had this time more visible thought. "Nowhere you most want.
Oh," she declared, "I know what you most want and what you've a thousand
reasons for wanting. I know just what your admirable life has been and
how, by so rare a chance, you've been held fast here and prevented. I
know you're at last free, and that--except, if you insist on it, your
idea about _me_--you've naturally now no other thought in your head but
to make up for lost time and repair your sacrifice. That's naturally
your necessity much more than the fancied necessity in obedience to
which you've spoken to me; and my conviction of this is what makes me
bold to speak to you as I do. I don't fear, you see"--she gathered
confidence, she gathered even a force of expression she had never known,
as she went--"that I shall have it on my conscience that I've succeeded
with you. I shall on the contrary simply have exposed myself; which I
shan't at all regret, however, if I've helped you to clear up your
feelings." To this service of charity in fact, and nothing more, she had
finally the air of lending herself, while Pendrel began to take it all
from her as if he too saw the truth. It was at the same time
characteristic of her that at the moment of indicating the sacrifice she
made, the exposure, as she called it, that she consented to, for his
ultimate peace, she drove well home the knife she had planted. "My
excuse would have been--if there _were_ any chance for me--that you
happened to be so perfect a case for what I call to myself salvation.
One doesn't easily find a man of your general condition who has not, as
we say, 'been'; and much less therefore a man of your particular one. By
your particular one," Aurora Coyne wonderfully proceeded, "I mean that
of knowing so much that might seem to have been to be got at only by
immense experience. You know everything, and yet you've learnt it all
over here; some miracle or other has worked for you or--it comes to the
same thing!--for my vision of you: I don't know, even with your happy
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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