It was at all events her seeing him gracelessly astray that she made him
most feel. "There am _I_ for you then. I don't know what anyone is who
leads the life of action--so little am I such a creature myself." And
straight--though he was sore for it--he looked the whole thing in the
face. "It's my type itself that's impossible to you. I shouldn't even
here," he averred, "be able to meet your views or do what you require.
I'd be a brute for it if I could--as indeed I often wish I _were_ one;
but I'll be hanged if I see my way. My adventures are all in a very
small circle"--and our young man tapped the seat of his brain. He
thought it out at the moment almost as much for himself as for Aurora.
"If it weren't that I'm trying to equip myself without disgrace in
_this_ one, I should doubt if in a fix of the kind that for you makes
the hero I could be rightly counted on to know what to do. There you
have me. Yes, it comes home to me: I only know what to do in thought or,
as you might say, imagination--and but the least little bit even there;
also without any firm confidence of doing it. So that if none but a
ranchman need apply----!" he could in fine, while they dropped, with
this, into their longest break, but look about for his hat. "I suppose
it's no use my saying," he went on when he had found this article, "that
if it interests you at all I may just possibly before long come in for
something in England." He waited a little for her to take him up on it,
but to the simple increase of his sense of her leaving him now to
flounder as he would. He floundered accordingly an instant longer. "To
me--to my mind of course I mean--such a windfall, in the shape of a bit
of old property, an old house, a piece of suggestive concrete antiquity,
easily represents, as you can conceive, rather a 'treat.' But I don't
dream it's a thing to dazzle you with." He felt as soon as he had
spoken, or rather as soon as her own silence had again marked itself, as
if he had seen a vulgar bribe fall flat; and he was equally aware that
what he next said deepened this appearance. "Of course there's nothing
of that sort that can mean much to you to-day. You've seen everything
again and again."
"Oh," she answered at last, "I've seen a great deal. But not what you
will. You'll know so much better how. You've work cut out, but you're to
be envied."
He put out his hand to her. "Good-bye--till next year."
For a moment she kept it. "Why do you talk so foolishly?"
"I say nothing more foolish than that I shall by that time see you
again."
At this she slowly released him. "Of course it will be comparatively
easy for you, but it won't really be worth your while to come back to
spite me.
"I shall come back," said Ralph, "because I shall want to."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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