She had another of those weighted headshakes which, as if determined
less from within than from without, suggested the perfect working of her
beauty rather than that of her thought. "No--it's there that you're
wrong and that I'm so right. I'm not such an idiot as not to know that
there will always be a steamer and that you can always pay your passage.
When I said that if you go you'll never come back I meant that you'll
never wish to. Of course you can come back without wishing as much as
you like. But that," she blandly remarked, "won't do for me."
"How well you know what I wish," he exhaled, "and how much every way you
know about everything!"
"Well," she patiently replied before he had time finally to leave her,
"it's not wholly my fault if an expression you once used to me has much
worked in me. I remembered it as soon as I saw you to-day, and it would
have made a folly of my talking to you of my conditions if I had done
that with any other practical view than to call your attention to our
impossibilities. You used it on one occasion when I was last at home in
a way that has made me never forget it."
Ralph wondered. "I've used doubtless plenty of expressions and in plenty
of absurd ways. But what in the world was this one?"
She brought it responsibly out. "'The sense of the past'."
He wondered still more. "Is that all?"
"You said it was the thing in life you desired most to arrive at, and
that wherever you had found it--even where it was supposed to be most
vivid and inspired--it had struck you as deplorably lacking intensity.
At the intensity required, as you said, by any proper respect for
itself, you proposed if possible yourself to arrive--art, research,
curiosity, passion, the historic passion, as you called it, helping you.
From that moment," she went on, "I saw. The sense of the past _is_ your
sense."
He attended with a cold eye. "I haven't an idea what trash I may have
talked."
"Don't be dishonest," she returned after a moment.
It brought, almost as a blow, a flush to his cheek. "Dishonest?"
"Don't deny yourself. Don't deny your ambition. Don't deny your genius."
He looked at her over it strangely, and then as if light had really
broken, "Are _those_ things what you hate me for?" he almost gasped.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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