"Did you have any choice about being an architect? No, of course
not!" Her voice gained strength as she saw the shot strike home. "You
were chosen. That's what you were suited for. It was all decided for
you, wasn't it? The tests when you were in school, isolation of your
aptitudes, more tests, special training--_they_ made you an architect.
Did you have anything at all to say about it? Did you ever wish you
were something else?"
"That's different!"
"What's different about it? It's all right for them to make you an
architect, but it's not all right for them to make me what I am. Is
that it? You have your aptitudes. I have these!" She threw her arms
back. The movement thrust her high, full breasts forward. She went on
defiantly. "I have long legs and I'm athletic and I can dance. And I
have a pretty face. I was picked out when I was ten years old. Every
day since then I've done the right exercises and eaten the right foods
and had the right skin creams massaged into me. Every day! Some of the
girls are lucky. They stop growing too soon, or they get dumpy or their
skin ages too quickly, or they just don't turn out to be as pretty as
they seemed in the beginning. They're transferred out of our section.
I wasn't." Her eyes met Hendley's directly. "I'm still a 5-Daygirl. Do
you know what we do on four of those days? We work at making ourselves
beautiful. That's all. That's what we're for. The fifth day we go
out--on assignment."
Her eyes and her voice were challenging, but her words demanded
understanding, even pity. Hendley wanted to give them to her, but his
own pain pushed and shoved him into a bitter accusation. "What were you
doing that day we were together in the sun--practicing? I thought that
meant as much to you as it did to me! I thought we'd found something
together. I should have known when I found you'd lied to me--when you
ran away--that it was all a pretense with you. But I couldn't have
guessed that it was just--exercise!"
"Oh, Hendley, Hendley!" Her eyes would no longer focus on his.
Their lashes were dark, heavy, and wet. "How could I expect you to
understand? Don't you know that day was different? To have someone
want me--me, not just a body that other men have gaped at, not just a
beautiful ornament, not a prize in a lottery! I never expected to have
that. It was wonderful. I'll never forget it--no matter what you think
or feel now. But I knew it couldn't go on. We're watched all the time.
It was just luck that I was able to sneak away and meet you that one
day in the museum. Even then I was late getting back, and I had to make
up a story. I got only two days' debit. But we would have been caught
if we'd done it again. You'd have been punished, and I was afraid you'd
wish you'd never seen me. I didn't want that. I wanted you to remember
the way it was that afternoon--"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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