Even the knowledge that he would not be able to finish this game, did
not stop him; and the morning of the last day that he was to remain on
earth he started by correcting a not altogether successful move he had
made on the previous day. Clasping his lowered hands between his knees,
he sat for a long time motionless, then he rose and began to walk,
meditating. His walk was peculiar: he leaned the upper part of his body
slightly forward and stamped the ground with his heels firmly and
distinctly. His steps usually left deep, plain imprints even on dry
ground. He whistled softly, in one breath, a simple Italian melody,
which helped his meditation.
But this time for some reason or other the thing did not work well.
With an unpleasant feeling that he had made some important, even grave
blunder, he went back several times and examined the game almost from
the beginning. He found no blunder, yet the feeling about a blunder
committed not only failed to leave him, but even grew ever more intense
and unpleasant. Suddenly an unexpected and offensive thought came into
his mind: Did the blunder perhaps consist in his playing chess simply
because he wanted to distract his attention from the execution and thus
shield himself against the fear of death which is apparently inevitable
in every person condemned to death?
“No. What for?” he answered coldly and closed calmly his imaginary
chessboard. And with the same concentration with which he had played
chess, he tried to give himself an account of the horror and the
helplessness of his situation. As though he were going through a strict
examination, he looked over the cell, trying not to let anything
escape. He counted the hours that remained until the execution, made
for himself an approximate and quite exact picture of the execution
itself and shrugged his shoulders.
“Well?” he said to some one half-questioningly. “Here it is. Where is
the fear?”
Indeed there was no fear. Not only was it not there, but something
entirely different, the reverse of fear, developed—a sensation of
confused, but enormous and savage joy. And the error, which he had not
yet discovered, no longer called forth in him vexation or
irritation,—it seemed to speak loudly of something good and unexpected,
as though he had believed a dear friend of his to be dead, and that
friend turned out to be alive, safe and sound and laughing.
Werner again shrugged his shoulders and felt his pulse,—his heart was
beating faster than usual, but soundly and evenly, with a specially
ringing throb. He looked about once more, attentively, like a novice
for the first time in prison,—examined the walls, the bolts, the chair
which was screwed to the floor, and thought:
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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