Gavan had now a vague, chill smile for the pertinacity of her faith.
Something had broken in him, as if, with Robbie’s passing, a veil had
been drawn from reality, an illusion of confidence dispelled forever. He
leaned out of the window and breathed in the scent of the wet pine-tree,
looking, with an odd detachment and clearness of observation,--as if
through that acceptation of tragedy all his senses had grown keener,--at
the bluish bloom the dew made upon the pine-needles; at the flowers and
fruit in the garden below, the thatched roof of the summer-house, the
fragile whiteness of the roses growing near it, like a bridal veil blown
against the ancient wall. It was, in a moment of strange, suspended
vision, as if he had often and often seen tragic dawn in the garden
before and was often to see it again. What was he? Where was he? All the
world was like a dream and he seemed to see to its farthest ends and
back to its beginnings.
Eppie stood silent beside him.
He was presently conscious of her silence, and then, the uncanny
crystal, gazing sense slipping from him, of a possible unkindness in his
repudiating grief. He looked round at her. The poor child’s eyes, heavy
with weeping and all the weight of the dark, encompassing woe he had
shown her, dwelt on him with a somber compassionateness.
“Poor, darling little Eppie,” he said, putting an arm about her, “what a
brute, a selfish brute, I am.”
“Why a brute, Gavan?”
“Making you suffer--more. I’m always making you suffer, Eppie, always;
and you are really such a happy person. Come, let us go out for a walk.
Let us go out on the moor. It will be delicious in the heather now. I
want to see it and smell it. It will do us good.”
She resented his wisdom. “But you won’t forget Robbie, while we walk.”
For a moment, as if in great weariness, Gavan leaned his head against
her shoulder. “Don’t talk of Robbie, please. We must forget him--just
now, or try to, or else we can’t go on at all.”
Still she persisted, for she could not let it go like that: “I can think
of him and go on too. I don’t want to run away from Robbie because he
makes me unhappy.”
Gavan sighed, raising his head. “You are stronger than I am, Eppie. I
must--I must run away.” He took her hand and drew her to the door, and
she followed him, though glancing back, as she went, at the little form
under the shroud.
VI
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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