The Shadow of the PastYoung, F. E. Mills (Florence Ethel Mills)
Philosophy
The Shadow of the Past
Young, F. E. Mills (Florence Ethel Mills)
South African War, 1899-1902 -- Fiction; Triangles (Interpersonal relations) -- Fiction
That evening while she sat in the lounge, holding wool for her employer
and compelled to listen to the discordant noise made by a group of the
younger guests, gathered about the piano in the corner, Brenda's
thoughts wandered to the quiet beach. She pictured the warm satisfying
serenity of the night out there under the starlit sky with the moan of
the sea at one's feet. How good it was! ... how good! ... It was hot
in the house, despite the draughts created by open doors and windows;
there was difficulty in breathing. One wanted to be outside walls, away
from artificial lighting, out in the open in the quiet dusk, with no
light but the stars.
Mrs Graham finished winding her wool and, with the exhausted air of a
woman recently prostrated by some nervous disorder, proposed an
adjournment to her room for the inevitable hour's reading, which until
now the girl had accepted as a matter of course and not found so
unutterably wearisome.
With a limp disinclination that was an unspoken protest, she followed
Mrs Graham downstairs and into a room on the left of the entrance, a
pleasant room opening on to the stoep in front, and with access to a
small conservatory. Mrs Graham touched the electric switch, and
immediately the room was flooded with light.
"Shut die window," she directed, "or we shall be eaten alive by
mosquitoes."
"But,"--Brenda paused--"it's so hot."
"Well, you can leave the fanlight open. It is as hot outside as
indoors."
The reading proved a miserable business. The best of readers would fail
to interpret successfully the spirit of a work with a mind intent upon
matters wholly outside the subject of the book. Brenda attempted
conscientiously to capture her straying thoughts and tie them down to
the prosaic present, but they evaded her and flew off at a tangent in
pursuit of retrospective glamour. She reached out after them and
brought them back, only to lose them almost immediately as, eluding her
listless vigilance, they wandered anew in unbidden channels.
"I really think," Mrs Graham's voice broke in complainingly, "that you
must go back and read those last few pages again. You've missed the
sense somehow. There's a want of relevance... You mustn't skip."
Brenda turned back without comment and endeavoured to fix her attention
on the print, which conveyed no meaning whatever to her. The reading
that evening was admittedly a failure.
"Year in year out, until I'm old, it will be like this, I suppose," the
girl said wearily to herself later on her way upstairs. And then,
almost fiercely: "Why do we stand it? Why do we allow all the dull,
uninteresting things to be forced on us? I do this--for food and
shelter. And there isn't any escape--except through marriage. Ugh!"
Arrived in her bedroom, leaning from the window looking out upon the
stirless night, she admonished herself mutely.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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