"I walked," he answered, wearily.
"Walked?" she cried. "Why, Jud, what is wrong? Why are you here? Has
anything happened to you?" Her voice was sharp with dread.
"I am the most wretched man in the world, Justine."
"Tell me all about it, Jud; let me help you. Don't look like that! It
must be all right, dear, now that we are together. All three, Jud,"
she went on, cheerily. "I would not even name him before you came, but
I want you to call him Dudley." He felt the loving arms tighten about
his neck, and there came the eager desire to confess everything and to
beg her to hide from the world with him in some place where he could
never be found out. The love for Celeste was deep, but it was not like
this love for Justine. He must keep it. The other might go; he and
Justine and the baby would go away together. But not yet. Justine
must not know, after all--at least not yet.
"Everything has gone wrong, dear, and I had nothing to live for," he
began, wearily; and then with a skill that surprised him he rushed
through with a story that drew the deepest pity from his listener and
gave him a breathing spell in which to develop a plan for the future.
"You will loathe and despise me, Justine, but I couldn't bear the
thought of going into the hereafter without you," he said, after he had
confessed his object in coming. "I had failed in everything and life
wasn't worth living. My position is gone, I have no money and I don't
seem to be able to find work. You were everything in the world to me
and you were so proud of me. I just couldn't come back here and tell
you that I had failed after all the chances I have had. When I opened
your door to-night I had that knife in my hand. Do not be afraid,
dearest; it is all over and we'll live to be happy yet. God help me, I
was going to kill you while you slept, kiss you to prove to your
departing soul that I loved you and that it was not hate that inspired
the deed, and then, the blade, wet with your dear blood, was to find
its way to my heart. Thank God, you awoke. Had it not been for that
we would be lying here dead, and our boy, hidden in the bed, would have
escaped my hand only to be thrown upon the world, a helpless orphan.
But God has helped me to-night and He will not again forget me. With
His help and your love, I will go forth again with new courage and I'll
win my way."
She shuddered and thanked God alternately during his story, and when he
paused after the firm declaration to win his way, she cried:
"You have been brave so long and I have been brave, too, Jud. Why
should we give up the fight? I have hardly enough to eat in the house,
and I have endured more than seemed just from our loving God, but I did
not forget that I have you and you are everything. It has been hard,
terribly hard, but I did not give up."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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