Wavering between horror and pity, Martin looks upon this countenance
in which deep furrows have left nothing, not a trace of his former
open-faced, good-natured Johannes. Every evil passion must have worked
therein to disfigure it so wretchedly within six short weeks. Now he
raises himself up and casts a searching look towards the door. "It
seems you have locked me in," he says with a fresh outburst of laughter
that cuts Martin to the quick.
"Yes."
"I suppose you intend dragging me with you like a criminal?"
"Johannes!"
"Go on. I know you are the stronger! But one thing let me tell you: I
am not yet so wretched but that I should resist. I would rather fling
myself from the carriage and dash my head against a curbstone than come
back with you."
"Have pity, merciful God!" cries Martin. "My boy, my boy, what have
they made of you?"
Johannes paces the room with heavy tread and snaps open the lids of the
beer-mugs as he passes.
"Cut it short," he then says, standing still. "What do you want with me
that you imprison me here?"
Martin goes silently to the door and lets the bolt fly back; then he
places himself close in front of his brother. His bosom heaves as if he
were laboring to raise the words he is about to speak from the
uttermost depths of his soul. But what good is it? They stick fast in
his throat. He has never been a fluent talker--poor, shy fellow that he
is, and how is he to find tongues of flame now with which to talk this
madman out of his delusions? All he can stammer forth is that one
question:
"What have I done to you? What have I done to you?"
He says the words twice, thrice, and over and over again. What better
can he find to say? All his love, all his misery, are contained in
these.
Johannes answers not a word. He has seated himself on a bench, and is
running the fingers of both his hands through his unkempt hair. About
his lips there lurks a smile--a terrible smile, void of comfort or
hope.
At length he interrupts his helpless brother who keeps on repeating his
formula as if to conjure therewith. "Let that be," he says, "you have
nothing to say to me; nor can you have anything to say to me. I have
done with myself, with you, with the whole world. What I have been
through in these last six weeks--I tell you, since I left the mill, I
have slept under no roof, for I felt sure it must fall down upon me."
"But for heaven's sake, what ...?"
"Do not ask me.... It is no good, for you won't get to know, not
through me.... Let all talking alone, for it is to no purpose ... and
if you were to entreat me by the memory of our parents...."
"Yes, our parents!" stammers Martin joyfully. Why did he not think of
that sooner?
"Let them rest quietly in their graves," says Johannes with an ugly
laugh. "Even that won't catch on with me. They can't prevent me from
going to the dogs nor from hating you!"
Martin groans aloud and drops down as if struck.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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