So Carter had tried to do as others did, and pretended that the common
events and emotions of earthly minds were more important than the
fantasies of rare and delicate souls. He did not dissent when they told
him that the animal pain of a stuck pig or dyspeptic plowman in real
life is a greater thing than the peerless beauty of Narath with its
hundred carven gates and domes of chalcedony, which he dimly remembered
from his dreams; and under their guidance he cultivated a painstaking
sense of pity and tragedy.
Once in a while, though, he could not help seeing how shallow, fickle,
and meaningless all human aspirations are, and how emptily our real
impulses contrast with those pompous ideals we profess to hold. Then
he would have recourse to the polite laughter they had taught him to
use against the extravagance and artificiality of dreams; for he saw
that the daily life of our world is every inch as extravagant and
artificial, and far less worthy of respect because of its poverty in
beauty and its silly reluctance to admit its own lack of reason and
purpose. In this way he became a kind of humorist, for he did not see
that even humor is empty in a mindless universe devoid of any true
standard of consistency or inconsistency.
In the first days of his bondage he had turned to the gentle churchly
faith endeared to him by the naïve trust of his fathers, for thence
stretched mystic avenues which seemed to promise escape from life. Only
on closer view did he mark the starved fancy and beauty, the stale and
prosy triteness, and the owlish gravity and grotesque claims of solid
truth which reigned boresomely and overwhelmingly among most of its
professors; or feel to the full the awkwardness with which it sought to
keep alive as literal fact the outgrown fears and guesses of a primal
race confronting the unknown. It wearied Carter to see how solemnly
people tried to make earthly reality out of old myths which every step
of their boasted science confuted, and this misplaced seriousness
killed the attachment he might have kept for the ancient creeds had
they been content to offer the sonorous rites and emotional outlets in
their true guise of ethereal fantasy.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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