Amidst this chaos of hollowness and unrest Carter tried to live as
befitted a man of keen thought and good heritage. With his dreams
fading under the ridicule of the age he could not believe in anything,
but the love of harmony kept him close to the ways of his race and
station. He walked impassive through the cities of men, and sighed
because no vista seemed fully real; because every flash of yellow
sunlight on tall roofs and every glimpse of balustraded plazas in the
first lamps of evening served only to remind him of dreams he had once
known, and to make him homesick for ethereal lands he no longer knew
how to find. Travel was only a mockery; and even the Great War stirred
him but little, though he served from the first in the Foreign Legion
of France. For a while he sought friends, but soon grew weary of the
crudeness of their emotions, and the sameness and earthiness of their
visions. He felt vaguely glad that all his relatives were distant and
out of touch with him, for they could not have understood his mental
life. That is, none but his grandfather and great-uncle Christopher
could, and they were long dead.
Then he began once more the writing of books, which he had left off
when dreams first failed him. But here, too, was there no satisfaction
or fulfilment; for the touch of earth was upon his mind, and he could
not think of lovely things as he had done of yore. Ironic humor
dragged down all the twilight minarets he reared, and the earthy fear
of improbability blasted all the delicate and amazing flowers in his
faery gardens. The convention of assumed piety spilt mawkishness on
his characters, while the myth of an important reality and significant
human events and emotions debased all his high fantasy into thin-veiled
allegory and cheap social satire. His new novels were successful as his
old ones had never been; and because he knew how empty they must be to
please an empty herd, he burned them and ceased his writing. They were
very graceful novels, in which he urbanely laughed at the dreams he
lightly sketched; but he saw that their sophistication had sapped all
their life away.
* * * * *
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account