The Doctor shook his head and a sudden pain twisted his thin, studious
face. "Oh no, no," he said, "I was never like that. I wish to God I had
been. But it was to make Peter what he is that I've worked night and
day. He's my idea of a man. He's doing all the things that I'd like to
have done. He's me as I might have been if I'd had any luck--any sort
of a chance. Do I regret it? Am I jealous? No; because if I hadn't
lived such an opposite life I mightn't have desired to give my boy all
this." He waved his hand towards the spires that rose in all their
significance out of the town away below. And then, with intense
eagerness and a ring of wistfulness in his voice that brought tears to
his wife's eyes, he bent towards her. "Do you think he realizes this,
Mary? Does Graham ever stop to think how hard I've worked to put him in
Wall Street? Does Belle ever wonder what it's cost me in youth and
health to give her so much more than she needs? I'm--I'm a queer,
wordless, foolishly shy man. Old since the time they all three began to
think and use their eyes,--necessarily concentrated and aloof away in
that laboratory of mine, and--and sometimes I wonder whether my children
know me and understand and make allowances. Do they, Mary, my dear one?
Do they?"
"Yes, my man, my brave and splendid man," she replied, "they do, they
do!" And in saying this she deliberately lied,--out of her great and
steadfast love for this man of hers she lied.
No one knew so well as she did that the father of her children might
almost as well be a mere distant relation who lived in their home for
reasons of convenience and allotted money to their requirements at the
proper time. No one knew so well as she did that Hunter Guthrie's tragic
lack of childhood had dried out of his nature the power of understanding
children. Never having been a child in any sense of the word--never
having known the inexpressible joy of a mother's love--remembering
nothing but a father who was either working hard or tired out--he was
unable to conceive what his own children needed in addition to all that
they got hourly from his wife and from his own work. It had always
seemed to him that in the possession of a mother they had everything
good that God could give them. It seemed to him that his own part was
performed by providing for their needs. No man desired to be the father
of sons and daughters more than he did. No man was prouder in the
possession of them than he was and had always been. To hear the patter
of their little feet about his house sent him to his work with that
sense of religion of which Carlyle wrote. To watch them shaping from
childhood into youth was the most satisfactory and beautiful thing in
his life. To be able, year after year, to do better and still better for
them was his best and biggest reward--far greater and more glorious than
the distinction he earned for himself and the international reputation
that increased with each of his discoveries. And when, six months after
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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