"It isn't going to freeze, and I won't look at anything until you have
told me what you think of my idea. Wouldn't a whole lovely summer, quite
alone, be delightful? Wouldn't it be perfect to get up every morning for
weeks and feel that you belong to yourself and to nobody else?" And I
went over to him and put a hand on each shoulder and gave him a little
shake, for he persisted in gazing at the stars just as though I had not
been there. "Please, Man of Wrath, say something long for once," I
entreated; "you haven't said a good long sentence for a week."
He slowly brought his gaze from the stars down to me and smiled. Then he
drew me on to his knee.
"Don't get affectionate," I urged; "it is words, not deeds, that I want.
But I'll stay here if you'll talk."
"Well then, I will talk. What am I to say? You know you do as you
please, and I never interfere with you. If you do not want to have any
one here this summer you will not have any one, but you will find it a
very long summer."
"No, I won't."
"And if you lie on the heath all day, people will think you are mad."
"What do I care what people think?"
"No, that is true. But you will catch cold, and your little nose will
swell."
"Let it swell."
"And when it is hot you will be sunburnt and your skin spoilt."
"I don't mind my skin."
"And you will be dull."
"Dull?"
It often amuses me to reflect how very little the Man of Wrath really
knows me. Here we have been three years buried in the country, and I as
happy as a bird the whole time. I say as a bird, because other people
have used the simile to describe absolute cheerfulness, although I do
not believe birds are any happier than any one else, and they quarrel
disgracefully. I have been as happy then, we will say, as the best of
birds, and have had seasons of solitude at intervals before now during
which dull is the last word to describe my state of mind. Everybody, it
is true, would not like it, and I had some visitors here a fortnight ago
who left after staying about a week and clearly not enjoying themselves.
They found it dull, I know, but that of course was their own fault; how
can you make a person happy against his will? You can knock a great deal
into him in the way of learning and what the schools call extras, but if
you try for ever you will not knock any happiness into a being who has
not got it in him to be happy. The only result probably would be that
you knock your own out of yourself. Obviously happiness must come from
within, and not from without; and judging from my past experience and my
present sensations, I should say that I have a store just now within me
more than sufficient to fill five quiet months.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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