The Squire: An Original Comedy in Three ActsPinero, Arthur Wing
General
The Squire: An Original Comedy in Three Acts
Pinero, Arthur Wing
Comedy plays; English drama -- 19th century
{Chris.} Here's a pretty thing, and a very pretty
thing; and who is the owner of this pretty thing?
You shan't have it till you guess what it is.
{Fel.} A letter for the Squire?
{Chris.} No.
{Fel.} For me? _(joyfully and eagerly)_
{Chris.} Yes.
{Fel.} _(eagerly)_ Give it me, please.
_(She holds out her hand for it; Chris, puts the letter
behind her.)_
{Chris.} Who is it from?
{Fel.} How am I to know till I see it?
{Chris.} Guess.
{Fel.} How did you get it? _(quickly)_
{Chris.} It was left here this morning by a common
soldier.
{Fel.} _(jumps with glee)_ Oh, it's from Tom! He's
not common--he's a sergeant. How dare you keep
my letter all day?
{Chris.} _(holds up letter--reading the address)_
"Miss Felicity Gunnion--immejit." Immejit. He
can't even spell properly--that's a good match for a
girl.
{Fel.} _(indignantly)_ I can't spell at all--it's a very
good match, _(she snatches the letter from Chris, and
opens it--aside)_ Dear Tom--_(crosses to sofa L.)_--
that's his smudge--he always begins with a smudge.
_(she sits on couch L., and reads--Chris, watches her
grimly--reads)_ "Dear Miss Gunnion." Dear Miss
Gunnion! Oh, Tom! _(she reads quickly)_
{Chris.} How is he? What does he call you--
Lovey or Popsey? He smokes bad tobacco; I
shouldn't care for him to kiss me.
{Fel.} _(wiping her eyes in great distress--crying)_
Oh, dear! Oh, dear! Oh, dear! _(she takes her earrings
from her ears and throws them over the back
of the couch)_
{Chris.} _(L. C.)_ Hallo! what's wrong with the ear-rings?
{Fel.} _He_ sent them to me. You were quite right,
Miss Christiana, he is common; he's the commonest,
worst man in Pagley Barracks.
{Chris.} I'm glad of it; it serves you right. You
shouldn't sneak into other women's shoes. _(She
goes off L.)_
_(The harvest people are heard again in the distance
singing a rough chorus. Off stage L. U. C.--laugh.)_
{All.} A song, a song! Ay, ay, a song! _(rapping
mugs on table)_
{Loud Voice.} Silence! yee.
"The Countryman's Song"
_(Kate Verity enters towards end of song from door
R., looking white and worn, without noticing Fel.;
she crosses slowly to window L., enters the recess,
opens casement, and looks out. The Villagers,
who are supposed to be enjoying themselves in the
court below, break off their singing as Kate appears
and cry out to her.)_
{Man's Voice.} Theer's Squire!
{All.} Hurrah!
{Woman's Voice.} How are ye, Squire? Are you
better, Squire?
_(Kate nods and closes window. Murmurs gradually
subsiding. She sits on the sofa L., C., Felicity
rises and crosses to go off R., D., and turns as Kate
speaks.)_
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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