The Squire: An Original Comedy in Three ActsPinero, Arthur Wing
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The Squire: An Original Comedy in Three Acts
Pinero, Arthur Wing
Comedy plays; English drama -- 19th century
{Kate.} Why, Felicity, what a sad little face.
_(Fel. goes to Kate with her letter.)_
{Fel.} I--I--I've had awful bad news, Squire.
{Kate.} _(sits)_ Well, sensible, strong-minded creatures
like you and me are not to be knocked over by
a little bad news, _(patting Fel's head kindly)_ What
is it?
{Fel.} _(kneels at Kate's side R., of her)_ Oh, Squire,
dear, listen to this, _(reading the letter)_ "Dear Miss
Gunnion"--fancy that, Squire, from Tom Morris--
"the news have come to Pagley that our regiment
is the next for India. _(Kate starts)_ The orders
are posted that we embark in ten days from this
present, in the 'Orion.'"
{Kate.} Stop! For India--Eric's regiment, _(she
covers her face with her hands)_ Oh!
{Fel.} What's the matter, Squire?
{Kate.} Nothing, dearie; don't mind me. Go on!
{Fel.} _(continuing letter)_ "I have been thinking
of the matter careful, and have come to the conclusion
that the climate of India would not agree with
your health, it being a swelterer. I therefore let you
off of your engagement, but have spoke to old Stibbs,
the butler at Mrs. Thorndyke's, who has saved money,
and wants for to marry again, and I have mentioned
you as a steady hard-working lass who would make
any man's home a palace. Send me back the silver
earrings you had from me, as they will only remind
you of him you have lost. So, no more from your
heart-broken Tom." Oh, Squire!
{Kate.} _(kisses Fel. on the forehead)_ Thank
Heaven, on your knees, little woman, that you can
never be that man's wife.
{Fel.} _(rises and dries her eyes, and crosses to R. C.)_
I--I'm sure I'm very glad of it. _(standing C.)_
Oh, Squire, them soldiers are a bad, deceiving lot.
The King has their chests padded, and so girls think
they've got big hearts, but it's all wadding, Squire,
it's all wadding, _(goes up R.)_
_(Gunnion enters door L.)_
{Gun.} I'm darned if this ain't a'most too much
for an old man. _(calling off, at door)_ Come on
with ye!
_(Robjohns, Junior enters, attired in his best and
carrying his fiddle in a green baize bag; he has a
white hat in his hand.)_
I've got him at last; blessed if he ain't been dressing
hisself since nine o'clock this morning, _(up by L., D.)_
{Rob.} _(L. U, advancing)_ Well, Squire, I'm truly
sorry that I'm two hours and a yarf behind time, and
I hope it'll make no difference.
{Kate.} _(sitting L., C.)_ No, no.
{Rob.} But, fact is, Squire, father's a-lingerin' in
a most aggravatin' way, and rare work I had to get
the yat from him.
{Kate.} _(absently)_ The hat?
{Rob.} _(holding out the hat)_ Father's white 'at,
Squire--he's full o' yearthly pride and wouldn't give
it up.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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