The Story of a Doctor's Telephone—Told by His WifeFirebaugh, Ellen M.
General
The Story of a Doctor's Telephone—Told by His Wife
Firebaugh, Ellen M.
Physicians -- Anecdotes; Wit and humor
"Yes, if we had had time. But we had a sick man on our hands--he had to
be got out of the hotel and he had to be taken care of right away. He
had to have a nurse. There must be water in the tent and the nurse can't
be running out of a pest-house to get it. Neither can anyone carry it to
such a place. So we couldn't put it beyond the water- and
gas-pipes--there must be heat, too, you know. We have done the very best
we could without more time. The nearest house is fifty yards away and
there's absolutely no danger if the people down there will just get
vaccinated and then keep away from the tent."
"They surely will do that."
"Some of them may. One fool said to me awhile ago when I told them that,
'Oh, yes! we see your game. You want to get a lot of money out of us.'"
"What did you say to that ancient charge," asked Mary, smiling.
"I said, 'My man, I'll pay for the virus, and I'll vaccinate everyone of
you, and everyone in that neighborhood and it won't cost you a cent'."
"Did he look ashamed?"
"I didn't wait to see. I had urgent business out just then."
"Is the patient in the tent now?"
"Yes, all snug and comfortable with a nurse to take care of him. That
was my urgent business. I went into the back room of the office in the
midst of their jabber, slipped out the door, got into the buggy hitched
back there, drove to the hotel and with Dr. Collins' help, got the
patient down the ladder waiting for us, into the buggy, then got the
nurse down the ladder and in, too, then away we drove lickety-cut for
the tent while the mob was away from there. Then I went back to the
office and attended the meeting," added the doctor, laughing heartily.
His wife laughed too, but rather uneasily. "Were they still there when
you got back?"
"Every mother's son of 'em. They didn't stay long though. I advised them
to go home, that the patient was in the tent and would stay there. They
broke for the tent--vowed they'd set fire to it with him in it and I
think they intended to hang _me_," and the doctor laughed again.
"John, don't _ever_ get into such a scrape again. I 'phoned Mr. Felton
and begged him to go down there and take someone with him."
"You did? Well, he came, and it happened there was a member of the State
Board of Health in town who had got on to the racket. He came, too, and
you ought to have heard him read the riot act to those fellows:
"'We've got a sick man here--a stranger, far from his home. You are in
no danger whatever. Every doctor in town has told you so. We're going to
take care of this man _and don't you forget it_. We have the whole State
of Illinois behind us, and if this damned foolishness don't stop right
here, I'll have the militia here in a few hours' time and arrest every
one of you.' That quieted them. They slunk off home and won't bother us
any more."
* * * * *
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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