The Story of a Doctor's Telephone—Told by His WifeFirebaugh, Ellen M.
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The Story of a Doctor's Telephone—Told by His Wife
Firebaugh, Ellen M.
Physicians -- Anecdotes; Wit and humor
Three or four days after the above conversation Mary stood at the window
looking out at the storm which was raging. The wind was blowing
fearfully and the rain coming down in torrents. "I do hope John will not
be called to the country today," she thought.
Ting-a-ling-ling-ling--three rings.
"Is this Dr. Blank's office?" asked a feminine voice.
"No, his residence."
"Mrs. Blank, this is the nurse at the smallpox tent. Will you 'phone the
office and tell the doctor it's raining in down here terribly. I'm in a
hurry, must spread things over the patient."
"Very well, I'll 'phone him," and she rang twice. No reply. Again. No
reply. "Too bad he isn't in. I'll have to wait a few minutes."
In five minutes she rang again, but got no reply. In another minute she
was called to the 'phone.
"Didn't you get word to the doctor, Mrs. Blank?" asked a voice, full of
anxiety. "I'm afraid we'll drown before he gets here."
"I have been anxiously watching for him, but he must be visiting a
patient. Hold the 'phone please till I ring again." This time her
husband answered.
"Doctor, here's the nurse at the tent to speak to you." She waited to
hear what he would say.
"Doctor, please come down here and help us. The roof is leaking awfully
and we are about to drown."
"All right, I'll be down after a little."
"Don't wait too long."
Mary's practised ear caught something beginning with a capital D as the
receiver clicked.
"Poor old John," she murmured, "it's awful--the things you have to do."
The doctor got into his rubber coat and set out for his improvised
pest-house.
When he came home Mary asked, "Did you stop the leak?"
"I did. But I had a devil of a time doing it."
"I'm curious to know how you would go about it."
"The roof was double and I had to straighten out and stretch the upper
canvas with the wind blowing it out of my hands and nobody to help me
hold it."
"Was there nobody in sight?"
"That infernal coward of a watchman, but I couldn't get him near the
tent--he's _had_ smallpox, too."
"I should think the nurse could have helped a little, that is if she
knew where to take hold of it, and what to do with it when she got
hold."
"O, she sputtered around some and imagined she was helping."
"Poor thing," said Mary, laughing, "I know just how bewildered she was
with you storming commands at her which she couldn't understand--women
can't."
Ting-a-ling-ling-ling. Ting-a-ling-ling-ling. Ting-a-ling-ling-ling.
The doctor helloed gruffly.
"Is this you, Doc?"
"Looks like it."
"We want ye to come down here an' diagnosis these cases."
"_What_ cases!"
"There's two down here."
"Down _where_?"
"Down here at my house."
"Well, who the devil _are_ you?"
"Bill Masters. We're afraid maybe it's smallpox."
"Yes, _yes_!" snarled the doctor, "every _pimple_ around here for the
next three months will be smallpox."
"Well, we want ye to diagnosis it, Doc."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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