Those letters were not mine, I never ought to have appropriated them. I
ought now to destroy them unopened; all the more that the excitement of
the first moment, the sudden rush of ideas which had prevented me from
obeying the agonised supplication of my poor aunt, had subsided. I asked
myself once more what was the cause of her misery, while I gazed at the
inscription upon the cover, in my aunt's hand: "1864--Justin's
Letters." The very room which I occupied was an evil counsellor to me in
this strife between an indisputable duty and my ardent desire to know;
for it had formerly been my father's room, and the furniture had not
been changed since his time. The colour of the hangings was faded, that
was all. He had warmed himself by a fire which burned upon that
self-same hearth, and he had used the same low, wide chair in which I
now sat, thinking my sombre thoughts. He had slept in the bed from which
I had just risen, he had written at the table on which I rested my arms.
No, that room deprived me of free will to act, it made my father too
living. It was as though the phantom of the murdered man had come out of
his grave to entreat me to keep the oft-sworn vow of vengeance. Had
these letters offered me no more than one single chance, one against a
thousand, of obtaining one single indication of the secrets of my
father's private life, I could not have hesitated. With such
sacrilegious reasoning as this did I dispel the last scruples of pious
respect; but I had no need of arguments for yielding to the desire which
increased with every moment.
I had there before me those letters, the last his hand had traced; those
letters which would lay bare to me the recesses of his life, and I was
not to read them! What an absurdity! Enough of such childish hesitation.
I tore off the cover which hid the papers; the yellow sheets with their
faded characters shook in my hands. I recognised the compact, square,
clear writing, with spaces between the words. The dates had been omitted
by my father in several instances, and then my aunt had repaired the
omission by writing in the day of the month herself. My poor aunt! this
pious carefulness was a fresh testimony to her constant tenderness; and
yet, in my wild excitement, I no longer thought of her who lay dead
within a few yards of me.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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