Then temptation comes. Anna Stjärnhök, who has been her friend, and the
judge at Munkerud, Anna’s neighbor at the table, take hold of her when
she comes, snatch the dish from her, push up a chair, and will not let
her escape.
“Sit there, child, sit there!” says the judge. “You have done no wrong.”
And with one voice all the guests declare that if she does not sit down
at the table, they must all go. They are no executioners. They will
not do Märta Dohna’s bidding. They are not so easily deceived as that
sheep-like count.
“Oh, good gentlemen! Oh, beloved friends! Do not be so charitable. You
force me to cry out my sin. There is some one whom I have loved too
dearly.”
“Child, you do not know what sin is. You do not understand how guiltless
you are. Gösta Berling did not even know that you liked him. Take your
proper place in your home! You have done no wrong.”
They keep up her courage for a while and are themselves suddenly gay as
children. Laughter and jests ring about the board.
These impetuous, emotional people, they are so good; but still they are
sent by the tempter. They want to make her think that she is a martyr,
and openly scoff at Countess Märta as if she were a witch. But they do
not understand. They do not know how the soul longs for purity, nor how
the penitent is driven by his own heart to expose himself to the stones
of the way and the heat of the sun.
Sometimes Countess Märta forces her to sit the whole day long quietly in
the bay window, and then she tells her endless stories of Gösta Berling,
priest and adventurer. If her memory does not hold out, she romances,
only to contrive that his name the whole day shall sound in the young
woman’s ears. That is what she fears most. On those days she feels that
her penance will never end. Her love will not die. She thinks that she
herself will die before it. Her strength begins to give way. She is often
very ill.
“But where is your hero tarrying?” asks the countess, spitefully. “From
day to day I have expected him at the head of the pensioners. Why does
he not take Borg by storm, set you up on a throne, and throw me and your
husband, bound, into a dungeon cell? Are you already forgotten?”
She is almost ready to defend him and say that she herself had forbidden
him to give her any help. But no, it is best to be silent, to be silent
and to suffer.
Day by day she is more and more consumed by the fire of irritation. She
has incessant fever and is so weak that she can scarcely hold herself up.
She longs to die. Life’s strongest forces are subdued. Love and joy do
not dare to move. She no longer fears pain.
* * * * *
It is as if her husband no longer knew that she existed. He sits shut up
in his room almost the whole day and studies indecipherable manuscripts
and essays in old, stained print.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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