In moods like these he would steal out of the house, his visored cap
over his eyes, and wander aimlessly through the maze of crooked, narrow
streets, driven by irresistible impulses, until he would find himself on
the bank of his beloved river. Here there were a thousand objects to
dissipate his gloom. The gently flowing stream, the floating boats, the
changing tints of the sky, the little wildflowers turning their pretty
faces up to him like coquettish young maidens. And the ruins of the
castle on the bank of the Rhine abounded in mystery. He often paused,
pensively listening to the moaning and sighing of the wind-driven waves
against those ruins with a secret awe creeping into his being. Was that
the rustling of her silk dress—the dress of the “headless princess”, of
whom his nurse had told him in his childhood? But the headless princess
only came out of the ruins on moonlight nights! Perhaps they were the
stealthy footsteps of the fair young shepherd, looking longingly at the
battlements in hope of catching a glimpse of his beloved princess!
His eyes opened, and circles seemed to go round and round—circles of
fanciful colors like those he had often seen when pressing his eyes
against his pillows—and there was a strange surging in his blood,
tumult in his head. His heart filled with a thousand longings, a
thousand yearnings, yearnings and longings indefinite, inarticulate. He
was only conscious of an aching restlessness, of an irritating strife
within him . . .
Throwing himself upon the grassy bank, he would lie listlessly for a
time, blankly staring at the sky, only half-conscious of chirping birds
around him. Gradually, slowly, strands of thought would begin to
come—desultory, fugitive, disconnected fibres of thought, like flying
gossamer.
Sometimes other ambitions stirred his being. His mother had often spoken
of a military career for him. His mind would skip to Napoleon, the hero
he had worshipped ever since he could remember. He would see himself in
the role of a warrior, mounted upon a spirited little white horse, as he
had once seen Napoleon. His vivid imagination would behold the
battlefields, littered with bleeding men and horses, the cry of agony in
his ears . . .
No, no, not that! He could not bear the sight of blood, the shriek of
pain. He could not be a great warrior.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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