“She hates me,” he murmured to himself. Perhaps? There was again a
flutter of hope. He had read a great number of romances and began to
reason, as if reason ever helped a lover solve the great problem. But he
reasoned both ways with equal conviction. She-loves-me and
she-loves-me-not are reached by the same route. He found his place of
vantage less enticing. The sunset and the restless sea lacked the
romantic interest of a moment before. His mind drifted in other
directions. He thought of his uncle, of his aunt, of the guests. Why did
he find himself out of joint with people around him? What was there that
made him rebellious in their midst? Why did he feel their faults so
keenly, so glaringly? Why was he not in sympathy with them? He had felt
out of place in Gunsdorf, in the Judengasse, and now he was feeling out
of place at his uncle’s house. His thoughts, his tastes, his
inclinations, his aspirations, were all Hellenic—there was not a
vestige of the Hebraic in him, he concluded. He did not yet realize that
these vagaries, this very world-weariness—the _Weltschmerz_—was
Hebraic, that what he thought emanated from the Acropolis, came from
Mount Carmel and from the plains of Sharon.
In the evening he found himself alone in his room, the silence of the
summer night around him. He was thought-weary. He had blown out the
candle and welcomed the darkness. A nightingale was singing somewhere in
the grove. He pushed the window further open. He caught the distant
sound of the waves breaking on the cliffs; it was the sweeping sound of
contending forces. A fire-fly was flitting around—intermittent
pin-pricks in the dark curtain before him. His fatiguing thoughts had
fled. His brain was a blank. He was only a child of the senses. Peace
gathered within him, the sweet peace of night and of silence. Emotions
possessed him—no, not emotions which stir conflict but those that
instill a conscious soothing, a slumbering sensuousness. He leaned back
in his chair by the window, unseeing, unthinking.
Gradually—in faint outline—the image of Hilda was before him . . .
There had been dancing earlier in the evening and he now saw Hilda
waltzing around the room, her firm little feet moving nimbly, a twinkle
in her roguish eyes as she flitted by and glanced over her partner’s
shoulder toward where he was seated. Confound it, why had he never
learned to dance!
He recalled the last time he had made an effort to learn to dance and
laughed at himself. He could now hear that little Frenchman count _un,
deux, trois—un, deux, trois_. The Frenchman shook his head and told him
he had no rhythm in his soul! If he had told him he had no rhythm in his
feet he could have forgiven him. Albert was in a rage and the French
dancing-master ran for his life, and later told everybody that Herr Zorn
was quite mad, quite insane.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account