British -- France -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Riviera (France) -- Fiction; Spouses -- Fiction
"And not a policeman to be had!" Ermengarde lamented. "What on earth
is to be done? She will be killed, and so will he. Heinrich!
Madame! Monsieur Bontemps! Feu--au secours!" she cried, heedless of
the new arrival's suggestion to wait till the storm was over. But of
this there appeared to be little chance. Madame Bontemps, her
features distorted with fury, shrieked fiercer and fiercer
maledictions at the retreating Heinrich, springing across the hall at
him, when he fled from her onset, soon to return to the charge,
before which she in her turn retreated, with denunciations and
gestures that put Madame Bontemps' life at a pin's fee.
"If there was only a fire-bell," murmured Ermengarde, looking round,
deaf to her companion's reassurance that the contest would be
bloodless, "or a police-whistle, or even a cab-stand!"
But Madame, undismayed and active, her rolled back hair quivering,
her tall form dilating, her hands on her hips, repulsed the charge of
Heinrich with such a torrent of abuse as drove him back once more to
the middle of the hall. There both stood, still shouting and
misunderstanding each other in three languages for a measurable
space, during which Monsieur Bontemps lounged in an easy attitude,
cigarette in mouth, at the office door, softly stroking his beard,
and contemplating the engagement with indifference, tinged with
approval and admiration of the majesty and fury of Madame.
"It is just this," he explained, with gentle condescension, when the
storm lulled, "the French of Madame is incomplete; she supplements it
with the Italian of the country--a tongue entirely unknown to
Heinrich. The French of Heinrich, on the contrary, is absolutely
vile. He supplements it with German, of which both he and Madame are
partly ignorant, and with Swiss-German, a tongue known to none but
those mountaineers. Hence misunderstandings. Myself, I ignore all.
Que voulez-vous?"
Yielding to pressure, however, he at length drew the infuriated
lady's attention from the combat to the claims of her guests. In a
moment her looks of fury were replaced by smiles of courteous
welcome; her blazing eyes shed light of soft inquiry, and she came
forward with a stately bow and a genial, "Bon soir, mesdames," while
Heinrich as quickly forgot his wrongs and his wrath, and, dissolving
into cheerful smiles, took his usual station by the door. Finally,
the tumult being succeeded by perfect calm, he blandly picked up a
few of the woman of mystery's parcels, which had arrived beforehand,
and carried them to her room, whither they were preceded by the
stately presence of Madame Bontemps herself.
The new arrival never forgot the tea brewed for her that evening. To
that she attributed every digestive disturbance that afflicted her
all her life after.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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