"DEAREST DIANA,--I asked you to be my wife, and I stand by my
word. I did not like to say too much about my mother's state
of mind when we were together yesterday, but I am afraid it
is very true that she will withdraw her present allowance to
me, and deprive me of the money which my father left. Most
unjustly, as it has always seemed to me, she has complete
control over it. Never mind. I must see what can be done. No
doubt my political career will be, for a time, much affected.
We must hope it will only be for a time.
"Ferrier and Sir James believe that my mother cannot maintain
her present attitude. But I do not, alack! share their
belief. I realize, as no one can who does not live in the
same house with her, the strength and obstinacy of her will.
She will, I suppose, leave my father's half-million to some
of the charitable societies in which she believes, and we
must try and behave as though it had never existed. I don't
regret it for myself. But, of course, there are many public
causes one would have liked to help.
"If I can, I will come down to Beechcote on Saturday again.
Meanwhile, do let me urge you to take care of your health,
and not to dwell too much on a past that nothing can alter. I
understand, of course, how it must affect you; but I am sure
it will be best--best, indeed, for us both--that you should
now put it as much as possible out of your mind. It may not
be possible to hide the sad truth. I fear it will not be. But
I am sure that the less said--or even thought--about it, the
better. You won't think me unkind, will you?
"You will see a report of my speech in the debate to-morrow.
It certainly made an impression, and I must manage, if I can,
to stick to Parliament. But we will consult when we meet.
"Your most loving OLIVER."
As he wrote it Marsham had been uncomfortably conscious of another self
beside him--mocking, or critical.
"I don't regret it for myself." Pshaw! What was there to choose between
him and his mother? There, on his writing-table, lay a number of recent
bills, and some correspondence as to a Scotch moor he had persuaded his
mother to take for the coming season. There was now to be an end, he
supposed, to the expenditure which the bills represented, and an end to
expensive moors. "I don't regret it for myself." Damned humbug! When did
any man, brought up in wealth, make the cold descent to poverty and
self-denial without caring? Yet he let the sentence stand. He was too
sleepy, too inert, to rewrite it.
And how cold were all his references to the catastrophe! He groaned as
he thought of Diana--as though he actually saw the vulture gnawing at
the tender breast. Had she slept?--had the tears stopped? Let him tear
up the beastly thing, and begin again!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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