My ill-humour suddenly turned against Bérangère. She had listened to
me with a look of disapproval, feeling angry perhaps at my blaming her
god-father; and she was now slipping towards the door. I stopped her
as she was passing; and, in a fit of rancour which was foreign to my
nature, I let fly:
"Why are you leaving the room? Why do you always avoid me as you do?
Speak, can't you? What have you against me? Yes, I know, my
thoughtless conduct, the other day. But do you think I would have
acted like that if you weren't always keeping up that sulky reserve
with me? Hang it all, I've known you as quite a little girl! I've held
your skipping-rope for you when you were just a slip of a child! Then
why should I now be made to look on you as a woman and to feel that
you are indeed a woman . . . a woman who stirs me to the very depths
of my heart?"
She was standing against the door and gazing at me with an undefinable
smile, which contained a gleam of mockery, but nothing provocative and
not a shade of coquetry. I noticed for the first time that her eyes,
which I thought to be grey, were streaked with green and, as it were,
flecked with specks of gold. And, at the same time, the expression of
those great eyes, bright and limpid though they were, struck me as the
most unfathomable thing in the world. What was passing in those limpid
depths? And why did my mind connect the riddle of those eyes with the
terrible riddle which the three geometrical eyes had set me?
However, the recollection of the stolen kiss diverted my glance to her
red lips. Her face turned crimson. This was a last, exasperating
insult.
"Let me be! Go away!" she commanded, quivering with anger and shame.
Helpless and a prisoner, she lowered her head and bit her lips to
prevent my seeing them. Then, when I tried to take her hands, she
thrust her outstretched arms against my chest, pushed me back with all
her might and cried:
"You're a mean coward! Go away! I loathe and hate you!"
Her outburst restored my composure. I was ashamed of what I had done
and, making way for her to pass, I opened the door for her and said:
"I beg your pardon, Bérangère. Don't be angrier with me than you can
help. I promise you it shan't occur again."
* * * * *
Once more, the story of the Three Eyes is closely bound up with all
the details of my love, not only in my recollection of it, but also in
actual fact. While the riddle itself is alien to it and may be
regarded solely in its aspect of a scientific phenomenon, it is
impossible to describe how humanity came to know of it and was brought
into immediate contact with it, without at the same time revealing all
the vicissitudes of my sentimental adventure. The riddle and this
adventure, from the point of view with which we are concerned, are
integral parts of the same whole. The two must be described
simultaneously.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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