He sat up in bed, his temples throbbing, his face flushed and damp. He
pushed his hair back from his forehead, and stared out at the morning
with eyes that burned. He fully remembered all that had happened,
without such reminders as his headache, his sickness, and the rumpled
clothes in which he had slept all night. His brain throbbed to the point
of torture. Sharp cuts of pain tore through it, hideous revisualisations
seemed to scorch whole surfaces of it with sudden flames. Facts hammered
at it with monotonous mercilessness.
He fell back on the pillow, and for some minutes lay quite still,
staring out at the woods. There they lay in their straight brown line,
those woods. He could almost hear the rock of the wind in them, creeping
to him over the stillness of the fields. They seemed to whisper
peace--peace to his throbbing pulses and burning skin and aching body
and breaking heart. All his universe was shattered, except those quiet
external things--the woods and fields round his home. They stood
unchanged through all his turmoils, they responded only to their own
remote influences--the warming and cooling of winds, the waxing and
waning of the sun's heat, the frostiness of vapours. He might rage,
despair, scream, and curse in them without changing the colour of one
leaf.
He longed stupidly for tears, but those easy tears of his humiliation
would not come. He felt that if he thought of Len and Janey he might
cry. But he would not think of them, though in his heart was an infinite
tenderness. Len and Janey were like the woods, they did not change--then
suddenly he realised that nothing had changed, it was only he. He had
changed, and could not fit in with his old environment. Curse it! Damn
it! Where could he find peace?
Perhaps he had formally renounced peace on that day he plunged his
hands into the pitchy mess of money-making. He had known peace before
then--soft dreams that flew to him from the lattices of dawn. He
remembered days when he had lain in the corner of some field, among the
rustling hay-grass, his soul lost in the eternities of peace within it.
But now--he had renounced peace. He had turned from pure things to
defiled--and he had sharpened his brain, whetted it on artificialities.
For the man with brains there is seldom peace, but an eternal questing.
The man without brains suffers only the problem of "what?" It is the man
with brains who has to face the seven-times hotter problem of "why?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account