The Tithe-Proctor: The Works of William Carleton, Volume TwoCarleton, William
General
The Tithe-Proctor: The Works of William Carleton, Volume Two
Carleton, William
Ireland -- Social life and customs -- Fiction
“My father was talking about you last night, sir, and I think before
long he will be able to put you on the scent of as pretty a conspiracy
as was ever detected. He had some notion of opening a communication with
government himself upon the subject; but I suggested--that is, I took
the liberty, sir, if you will excuse me, but if I erred I assure you Mr.
O'Driscol, my intentions were good--I say I took the liberty, sir, of
suggesting that it would be better to place the matter in your hands,
as a person possessing more influence with your friend, the Castle, and
more conversant with the management of a matter that is too important to
be in any but official hands. I have time at the preset only to allude
to it, for I see Mr. Darby Hourigan there waiting to prosecute, or as he
says to take the law of, your humble servant.”
“Hang the scoundrel, what a hurry he is in! How did you quarrel with
him?”
“Faith, sir, in the first place, he was insolent and offensive beyond
all patience.”
“Yes, my dear John,” observed O'Driscol, with a good deal of solemn
pomp, especially as the magistrate was beginning to supersede the man,
“all that is very provoking, but at the same time you know the horsewhip
is an illaygal instrument.”
“I beg your pardon, sir,” replied Purcel, with a smile, “I believe not.”
“I mane, John,” said the other, “an improper use of it is. You should
be more cautious, John, in using it, for the punishment of any animal
barring a horse. I have heard, by the way, many complaints against you
on that head.”
“Yes, sir, but you are not aware that it is from a principle of humanity
I horsewhip the scoundrels.”
“How is that now, John? for upon my honor and conscience I can't for the
life of me persave any great humanity in it.”
“Why, sir,” replied Purcel, who, as the reader must be aware, was
humbugging the worthy magistrate all the time, “I appeal to yourself
whether it is not better for any one of these rascals to get a
horsewhipping from me than a citation to the Bishop's Court from my
father.”
“Ay, but do they never happen to get both, John?” returned the
magistrate. “But what has a horsewhipping and a citaytion to the
Bishop's Court to do with aich other?”
“Simply this,” replied the other, “that when my father hears I horsewhip
any of them, he takes no further proceedings against them; and
whenever I wish, consequently, to keep a fellow out of that troublesome
situation, I horsewhip him from pure kindness.”
“So that you look upon that as a good turn to them?”
“Precisely, sir. As I said, I horsewhip them from motives of humanity.”
“Faith and don't be surprised, John, if they should happen to put a
bullet through you from motives of humanity some of these days. However,
do you think it is of importance?”
“Is what, sir?”
“The conspiracy. I beg your pardon--come into the office till I see what
I can do for you at all events.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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