_Enter GHOST, who opens and closes his ghostly teeth._. SCHMIDT. Oh, vot is o'stealing o'er me? I tremble, I shake. Oh, that clubbing! (_he sees the GHOST; he trembles_) Oh, oh! Four dollars for a bed in a haunted house. [_Exit GHOST._ _Enter LAWYER._ SCHMIDT. Now that horrid ghost is gone, vill try and get some sleep. LAWYER. Mr. Timothy Slobberchops. SCHMIDT. Vot now--von you another ghost? LAWYER. No, sir, I be no ghost; I'm a lawyer. SCHMIDT. I vant no lawyer. LAWYER. Give me my retainer. SCHMIDT. Retainer? Vot do yer call that? LAWYER. Money. Hand me fifty dollars. SCHMIDT (_with surprise_). Vant fifty dollars? Vot for? LAWYER. Did you not send for me to get a divorce from your wife? SCHMIDT (_lies down on his bed_). Diworce from my vife? I got no wife. I want no retainer; I vant four dollars out of this bed. LAWYER. I see they have been fooling me. That man hasn't a cent of money. I'll make tracks. [_Exit._ SCHMIDT[1] (_now sits up in bed and sings his little song_). Ven first I leaft dot Farderland, Or set me out to roam, My heart was light and happy As could be. But now I feel so lonely, Ven I tink me of my home, Of dot little Ditcher home Across der sea. Vell, I guess dot now I'll lay down till the morning. _Enter MRS. BARRISNOBE._ SCHMIDT. Veel, I do declare. I've been disturbed all night long with those black and white ghosts. I must get some sleep, for by and by that old woman will be coming up. [Illustration] MRS. B. (_looking through the window_). Well I never! There is that Dutchman sleeping now. I'll just go and wake him up. (_she approaches the bed_) Hi, sir, you, here! SCHMIDT. Vell, vot is de matter now? MRS. B. It is seven o'clock, sir. SCHMIDT. Vell, I paid four dollars for this bed, and I have not had an inch of sleep out of it yet. MRS. B. Well, I only let you the bed for one night for four dollars. SCHMIDT. Vell, you have let those ghosts and fellows trouble me all night, and I have not had four cents' worth yet. MRS. B. It is an hour past six, sir. SCHMIDT. Vell, what of that? MRS. B. I want you out of here. SCHMIDT. Not till I've had four dollars' worth. MRS. B. I'll soon teach you what I mean. Here, Mary, Mary! Come up directly. _Enter NEGRESS._ MARY. Yes, ma'am, I'm here. MRS. B. Fetch that man out of bed. MARY. What! He in bed yet? I'll soon make him clear. (_exit, and re-enters with a broomstick, belabors the DUTCHMAN all over, says_) You get out of this bed, will you? Sharp, quick! SCHMIDT (_hustles quickly out of the bed_). Vot! Me pay four dollars for that bed, and have no sleep on it all dis night? MRS. B. I let you that bed for one night for four dollars, and now it is time that you was about your business. SCHMIDT. Vot's that you are saying?