SCHMIDT. Nein. I never lie but in my bed. CAPT. B. Is not your name Brown? SCHMIDT. I dell you I am de original John Schmidt. CAPT. B. I'll make you confess you are a liar, a swindler, a villain, and that your name is Brown. SCHMIDT. Mine Got in Himmel! vot a peoples! CAPT. B. Now, sir, (_beats him_) are you not a rascal? SCHMIDT. Nein. (_CAPTAIN beats him_) Yaw! yaw! CAPT. B. Are you not a swindler? (_beats him._) SCHMIDT. Nein. I am no swindler. (_CAPTAIN beats him._) CAPT. B. You are not? (_beats him._) SCHMIDT. Mine Got in Himmel, yaw, I am a swindler. CAPT. B. So much, so good. SCHMIDT. So much, blarney bad. CAPT. B. Are you not a liar and a villain? SCHMIDT. Nein. (_CAPTAIN beats him_) Yaw, yaw, I am a Dutch villain, John Schmidt. CAPT. B. No, sir, your name is Brown. Are you not Brown? SCHMIDT. Nein. (_CAPTAIN beats him_) Yaw, yaw, I am black and blue. CAPT. B. I am satisfied for the present, but I shall send another injured party to you. So good-night, and pleasant dreams, Mr. Brown. [_Exit._ SCHMIDT (_sitting up in bed, crying_). Oh! oh! oh! Boo! oo--oo--oo! I shall die, I shall be killed in dis house. Oh, my poor frow! She will never see her husband, John Schmidt, not any no more. What will become of me! TEDDY (_without, L._). I'll find him, Captain. SCHMIDT. Te Old Harry, dere is un under one! He sha'n't find John Schmidt. (_jumps out of bed, finds carpet-bag, goes up to window_) Here is von window; now I will jump out. (_carpet-bag drops out of his hand. Crash without_) Dere goes mine carpet-bag; now I will jump out. (_dog barks_) Now I will _not_ jump out. I will go--I know what I will do. I will fool them this time. (_he crawls beneath the bed_) I'm right snug here now, they no find me out. _Enter POLICEMAN._ OFFICER. This is the hotel. I wonder if I can find the man that robbed that bank. I'll just search round. Nobody in that bed; wonder if he is hid beneath the mattress. (_pokes at it with his club_) Sometimes they conceal themselves beneath the bed itself. I'll just look. (_he looks beneath_) Oh, here you are, caught at last. (_beats him out of his concealment with his club_) Did you not rob the Manhattan Bank? SCHMIDT. No--I robbed nothing. OFFICER. Did you not run away with the Squire's daughter? SCHMIDT. No, I ran off with nothin'. OFFICER. Did you not rob the National Bank? SCHMIDT. No, I done nothin'. OFFICER. Nothing, aye. Ah, what do you call nothing? (_he sets to and gives him a vigorous clubbing_) You didn't rob the bank--aye, aye. SCHMIDT. Yaw, yaw; hold off, I say. I did rob the bank. Yaw, yaw. OFFICER (_getting a clearer view of his man, says_). Oh, lor, you are not the man now, after all. The man that I am after has an Irish pug nose, and you are an old Dutchman. Get back into your bed. I made a mistake. SCHMIDT. Yaw, another beefsteak. Vonder when they'll stop coming and let von fellow get von little sleep.