JOEY. Ple. PERF. Constantinople. JOEY. Constable. PERF. That was wrong. Constantinople--not constable. JOEY. Well, that isn't the way we spelt it when I went to school. PERF. Well how did you spell it, then? JOEY. We spelt it in this way: Con, with a stan, with a t, with a ti, with a tipple, with a tople, with a Constantinople. PERF. Good, Mr. Joey! After that we---- FRED. (_interrupting_). I say, Mr. Valentine? PERF. Yes, Freddy. FRED. Do you know that Joe went down-town and knocked down an old woman near sixty years old? PERF. He did! FRED. Yes, he did. JOEY. Yes, and I would have knocked her down if she had been an hundred and sixty years old. PERF. (_giving JOEY a box on the ear_). Now, you would do no such thing. JOEY. Yes, I would. PERF. Now, Joey, what was your father? JOEY. Well they say that he was a good man. PERF. I mean, what trade was he? JOEY. My father, sir, was a glazier. PERF. A glazier? JOEY. Yes; and pray, Mr. Valentine, what was your father? PERF. My father, sir, was a gentleman. JOEY. A gentleman? PERF. Yes. JOEY. Then how was it, Mr. Valentine, that he did not make a gentleman of you? PERF. Joey, you are getting a little too personal. (_turns to FREDDY_) Now, Freddy, what were you doing over the bridge last night? FRED. I went over to see my girl. PERF. And did you see her? FRED. The old people would not let me into the house. PERF. Well, what did you do? FRED. I stood under a tree. PERF. What happened then? FRED. I got wet all over. PERF. Well, I suppose that it rained. FRED. No, not that. Some say that it was perspiration. PERF. And was it that? FRED. No; I guess that it was dish-water. PERF. Now, Freddy, supposing that a man were to dig down deep into the earth, what would he come to? FRED. To dirt. PERF. But supposing that he were to dig down through the earth? FRED. He would come out of the hole. PERF. How is your aunty? FRED. She has the chills and shakes at four o'clock every afternoon. PERF. She has? FRED. Yes; and I wish that she would shake out the half-dollar she promised me. PERF. Now, Joey and Freddy, do you see that trunk? JOEY. I do. Is any one in there? PERF. Yes; a little girl. FRED. Oh, do put me in there! (_PERFORMER places them in the trunk; a hushed voice is heard from JOEY complaining that FREDDY will not give him any room. As the PERFORMER opens the box, voice is suddenly increased in depth of tone; he closes it; the voices are again heard in a subdued tone, until they quiet themselves. The PERFORMER, making a slight bow, draws the trunk off the stage._) * * * * * For full description and prices of the Ventriloquial Champions, see pages 58 and 59 of Judd's Illustrated Catalogue, mailed by him for 15 cents. On page 78 will be found a Price List of Punch and Judy properties sold by him. A YOUNG LADY'S CONVERSATION. _Enter PRETTY POLL._