The Travelling Companions: A Story in Scenes — John Shaqi
The Travelling Companions: A Story in ScenesAnstey, F.
General
The Travelling Companions: A Story in Scenes
Anstey, F.
English wit and humor; Voyages and travels -- Humor
PODB. Well, I'll just trouble you to explain _this_--wait a bit. (_Opens
volume again._) Ah, here we are--"And these illusive and primordial
cognitions, or pseud-ideas, are homogeneous entities which may be
differentiated objectively or subjectively, according as they are
presented as Noumenon or Phenomenon. Or, in other words, they are only
cognoscible as a colligation of incongruous coalescences." Now then--are
you going to tell me you can make head or tail of all that?
CULCH. (_perceiving that_ MISS P. _is awaiting his reply in manifest
suspense_). It's simple enough, my dear fellow, only I can't expect
_you_ to grasp it. It is merely a profound truth stated with masterly
precision.
PODB. Oh, is _that_ all, my dear fellow? (_He flings up his heels in an
ecstasy._) I _knew_ I'd have you! Why, I made that up myself as I went
along, and if _you_ understand it, it's a jolly sight more than _I_ do!
[_He roars with laughter._
MISS P. (_behind her handkerchief_). Mr. Culchard has evidently gone
through the--the "preliminary mental discipline."
CULCH. (_scarlet and sulky_). Of course, if Mr. Podbury descends to
childishness of that sort, I can't pretend to----
PODB. (_wiping his eyes_). But you _did_ pretend, old chap. You said it
was "profound truth" and "masterly precision"! I've got more profound
truth where _that_ came from. I say, I shall set up as an intellectual
Johnny after this, and get you to write an Epitome of me. I think I
pulled your leg _that_ time, eh?
CULCH. (_biting his lip_). When you have extracted sufficient
entertainment from that very small joke, you will perhaps allow Miss
Prendergast to sit down and begin her sketch. You may not be aware that
you've taken her place.
[_He withdraws majestically to the parapet, while_ PODBURY _makes
way for_ MISS P. _with apologies._
PODB. (_as he leans over seat while she sketches_). I wish your brother
Bob had been here--he would have enjoyed that!
MISS P. It was really too bad of you, though. Poor Mr. Culchard!
PODB. He shouldn't try to make me out a bigger duffer than I am, then.
But I say, you don't _really_ think it was too bad? Ah, you're
_laughing_--you don't!
MISS P. Never mind what I really think. But you have got us both into
sad disgrace. Mr. Culchard is dreadfully annoyed with us--look at his
_shoulders_!
CULCH. (_leaning over parapet with his back to them_). That _ass_
Podbury! To think of his taking me in with an idiotic trick like that!
And before Her too! And when I had made it all right about the other
evening, and was producing an excellent impression on the way up here. I
wish I could hear what they are whispering about--more silly jokes at my
expense, no doubt. Bah! as if it affected _me_!
PODB. (_to_ MISS P.). I say, how awfully well you draw!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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