When we venture to move the mysterious stone that covers these
mysteries, the heavily charged air surges up from the gulf, and words
and thoughts fall around us like poisoned flies. Even our inner life
seems trivial by the side of these unchanging deepnesses. When the
angels stand before you, will you glory in never having sinned; and is
there not an inferior innocence? When Jesus read the wretched thoughts
of the Pharisees who surrounded the paralytic of Capernaum, are you
sure that as He looked at them, He judged their soul—and condemned
it—without beholding, far away behind their thoughts, a brightness
that was perhaps everlasting? And would He be a God if His condemnation
were irrevocable? But why does He speak as though He lingered on the
threshold? Will the basest thought or the noblest inspiration leave a
mark on the diamond’s surface? What god, that is indeed on the heights,
but must smile at our gravest faults, as we smile at the puppies on the
hearthrug? And what god would he be who would not smile? If you become
truly pure, do you think you will try to conceal the petty motives of
your great actions from the eyes of the angels before you? And yet are
there not in us many things that will look pitiful indeed before the
gods assembled on the mountain? Surely that must be, and our soul knows
full well that it will have to render its account. It lives in silence,
and the hand of a great judge is ever upon it, though his sentences are
beyond our ken. What accounts will it have to render? Where shall we
find the code of morality that can enlighten us? Is there a mysterious
morality that holds sway in regions far beyond our thoughts? Are our
most secret desires only the helpless satellites of a central star,
that is hidden from our eyes? Does a transparent tree exist within us,
and are all our actions and all our virtues only its ephemeral flowers
and leaves? Indeed we know not what are the wrongs that our soul can
commit, nor what there can be that should make us blush before a higher
intelligence or before another soul; and yet which of us feels that he
is pure and does not dread the coming of the judge? And where is there
a soul that is not afraid of another soul?
* * * * *
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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