His blood had leapt, and whatever objections he raised, such as having
no money, he allowed to be overridden. He was going to Helena, to the
Isle of Wight, tomorrow.
Helena, with her blue eyes so full of storm, like the sea, but, also
like the sea, so eternally self-sufficient, solitary; with her thick
white throat, the strongest and most wonderful thing on earth, and her
small hands, silken and light as wind-flowers, would be his tomorrow,
along with the sea and the downs. He clung to the exquisite flame which
flooded him….
But it died out, and he thought of the return to London, to Beatrice,
and the children. How would it be? Beatrice, with her furious dark
eyes, and her black hair loosely knotted back, came to his mind as she
had been the previous day, flaring with temper when he said to her:
“I shall be going away tomorrow for a few days’ holiday.”
She asked for detail, some of which he gave. Then, dissatisfied and
inflamed, she broke forth in her suspicion and her abuse, and her
contempt, while two large-eyed children stood listening by. Siegmund
hated his wife for drawing on him the grave, cold looks of condemnation
from his children.
Something he had said touched Beatrice. She came of good family, had
been brought up like a lady, educated in a convent school in France. He
evoked her old pride. She drew herself up with dignity, and called the
children away. He wondered if he could bear a repetition of that
degradation. It bled him of his courage and self-respect.
In the morning Beatrice was disturbed by the sharp sneck of the hall
door. Immediately awake, she heard his quick, firm step hastening down
the gravel path. In her impotence, discarded like a worn out object,
she lay for the moment stiff with bitterness.
“I am nothing, I am nothing,” she said to herself. She lay quite rigid
for a time.
There was no sound anywhere. The morning sunlight pierced vividly
through the slits of the blind. Beatrice lay rocking herself, breathing
hard, her finger-nails pressing into her palm. Then came the sound of a
train slowing down in the station, and directly the quick
“chuff-chuff-chuff” of its drawing out. Beatrice imagined the sunlight
on the puffs of steam, and the two lovers, her husband and Helena,
rushing through the miles of morning sunshine.
“God strike her dead! Mother of God, strike her down!” she said aloud,
in a low tone. She hated Helena.
Irene, who lay with her mother, woke up and began to question her.
III
In the miles of morning sunshine, Siegmund’s shadows, his children,
Beatrice, his sorrow, dissipated like mist, and he was elated as a
young man setting forth to travel. When he had passed Portsmouth Town
everything had vanished but the old gay world of romance. He laughed as
he looked out of the carriage window.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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