_O’Dogh._ O, brother, I have many grievances to tell you of, but I have one that’s more whimsical than all the rest. _Coun._ Pray what is it? _O’Dogh._ Why you must know, brother, I am going to be a cuckold as fast as I can. _Coun._ Ha, ha, ha! that’s a comical grievance indeed. _O’Dogh._ O stay ’till you hear the story, and I’ll engage you will say it is as comical a cuckoldom as ever was contrived. _Coun._ I am glad to find, sir, it is of so facetious a nature--pray let me hear this business? _O’Dogh._ Sit down then, brother, for I have got a little touch of my gout, let us sit down for a moment, and I will let you into the whole affair. _Coun._ Pray do, sir, for you have really raised my curiosity. (_sits._) _O’Dogh._ You must know, brother, there is an English coxcomb in this town just arrived among us, who thinks every woman that sees him is in love with him, and this spark, like another Paris of Troy, has taken it into his head to make a Helen of my wife, and a poor cuckoldy Menelaus of me. _Coun._ Ha, ha, ha! Pray who is the spark? _O’Dogh._ Why the name of this cuckold-maker is Mushroom, but from his conceit and impertinence, the women and jokers of this town have dignified him with the title of Count Mushroom. Sir, he is the son of a pawn-broker in London, who having a mind to make a gentleman of his son, sent him to the university of Oxford; where, by mixing in the follies and vices of irregular youth, he got into a most sanguine friendship with young Lord Old-Castle, who you know has a large estate in this country, and of whose ancestors mine have held long and profitable leases, which are now near expiring--in short, sir, this same Count Mushroom and my Lord became the Pylades and Orestes of the age, and so very fond was my Lord of him, that out of sheer friendship to the Count, he got his sister with child. _Coun._ Ha, ha, ha! that was friendly indeed. _O’Dogh._ O yes, it was what you may call modern friendship, taste, and bun tun; and my Lord being a man of gratitude, in return made him his agent in this country, and sent him over to settle his affairs here. And the Count and I being in treaty to renew the leases with my Lord, and we not being able to agree upon the terms, the coxcomb sends my wife a warm billedoux, in which he very gallantly tells her, that she shall decide the difference between us, and settle the leases at her own price, only upon the trifling condition that he may be permitted now and then to be the occasional lord of her ladyship’s matrimonial manor. _Coun._ Impudent rascal! And, pray, what says my sister to all this? _O’Dogh._ Why she does not know a word of the matter. _Coun._ No! pray how came you to be acquainted with his letter then, and his designs upon my sister?