The servant was summoned, the deadly order given. Jonas called out a
general “good-bye” that somehow did not include his brother in the
corner, since he had not turned in that direction. He left the house to
meet a friend, downtown.
IX
Two days Quincy had been going about with a soiled handkerchief. At last
his mother noticed it, lost patience and sent him upstairs for a fresh
one. Quincy grit his teeth and went. But the philosophy behind that
handkerchief no one in the family was near to reckoning.
The truth was, he avoided his old room. Throughout the holidays, he
stepped within it as little as was possible. And there his handkerchiefs
were kept. Had he been wise, once there, he would have taken more than a
day’s supplies. But Quincy did not have that manner of shrewdness. And
even if he had, it would have been a costly risk to hide his linen in
the room below. So, at times, a hurried visit was inevitable. In the old
days, he had spent long hours there. And still, he might have, since
Jonas generally was gone with lunch, not to return until vague hours
after. But the charm and the glow of the room were dead. Enough of it
remained to have turned into a sneer and mockery. For this room had been
an altar to Quincy’s faith. In it, he had performed his services; here
he had dwelt as a priest, in the abode of his faith. And he had been
driven out and all of the temple had been sullied. And now, there was no
god at all. So that the room served merely as a cold record of present
miseries and lost illusions.
Meantime, for two weeks, he slept in a broad couch placed at the foot of
his parents’ beds. And here was a steadfast torture not to be avoided
like the room above. A dilemma confronted Quincy. He was, for some
reason, uneasy about lapsing into unconsciousness ere his parents came
to retire; and yet, to be awake when they came in was a miserable trial.
So between the two uncomfortable states, the child built up a fever of
resentments. Although he could not so have worded it, his was a feeling
more than all else of humiliation, of shame at this promiscuous
arrangement. He went to bed with a weighing smart on his soul, like the
mark of a blow that one can not avenge. And then, with gloomy prospect,
he drew the covers high over his face and lay there, staring out,
gripping his blanket, stiff with a sense of deep discomfort. And all
manner of wild, ugly thoughts raced through his half somnolent
mind--thoughts of vindication against Jonas, against his sisters,
against his parents; lurid sweeps of chastisement in which there was
neither mercy nor discrimination. Fairly, his blood boiled with his
resentment at this cavalier disposal of him and the malignant token--his
lying there!--of how well Fortune could distort his hopes. And then,
generally, his body would prevail and he would fall asleep.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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