For a long time it had hurt the boy to be forced witness to Marsden’s
pampering and his sister’s demonstrations. It had hurt him to see the
pointed, exclusive _camaraderie_ between Jonas and his father, to feel
the apologetic pitying note in his mother’s love for him. But during
this long time, all these proofs of his want had not made him bitter.
Gradually, he had poised and judged the value of these things he lacked.
But his first impulse had not been to cry out, not to turn inward in
dismay. A natural sense of justice is born in most of us. It is a part
of our natal logic. One of our greatest blows comes from the late
experience that that sense which we have transferred from our own heart
to the heart of the world really does not obtain there. So with Quincy.
Viewing these favors that were showered upon others, that seemed so
strangely always to escape himself, his impulse was to believe the
others right, to fix the fault within himself. Much of the impulse that
had driven him toward Jonas and toward Rhoda was the desire to gain
these things he lacked--or thought he lacked; was his wish to qualify
within the circle where favors were dispensed. He had accepted that the
fault was his. He had made his mute endeavor to correct it.
Now, however, came the grey, shivering spectre of defeat. And then, for
the first time, Quincy was disposed to spare himself and to blame those
who denied him what they seemed so lavishly able to give elsewhere.
* * * * *
This was the year of Quincy’s warfare--a scant _guerilla_. And its
result? Consider the pre-conceptions of those within the house, and it
must be clear that they seized on this new hard Quincy to justify the
feelings they had already nurtured for the old. Their attitude, their
lack of sympathy, by dint of an incessant effort through the years, had
brought about this show of sullen animosity within him. So now they
quoted this show of animosity as cause of their longstanding attitude
and lack of sympathy. It is a common habit of mankind--an infinitely
common.
It had its unhindered fling with Quincy. His family were not loth of the
chance he offered them to justify their feelings. And it was to be a
long time ere the effect of that short year would leave them, however
poignant in reality and more true to type were the years that followed
or preceded.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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