The Vegetable; or, From President to PostmanFitzgerald, F. Scott (Francis Scott)
General
The Vegetable; or, From President to Postman
Fitzgerald, F. Scott (Francis Scott)
American drama -- 20th century
JONES [_reading over Jerry’s shoulder_]. It says: “Idaho flays Treasury
choice.”
CHARLOTTE [_wide-eyed_]. Does that mean they’re going to flay Dada?
JONES [_looking at his watch_]. Senator Fish will be here at any moment
now.
CHARLOTTE. Well, all I know is that I’d show some spunk and not let them
kick _me_ out, even if I _was_ the worst President they ever had.
JERRY. Listen, Charlit, you needn’t remind me of it every minute.
CHARLOTTE. I didn’t remind you of it. I just mentioned it in an ordinary
tone of voice.
_She goes into the White House. Senator Joseph Fish comes in
hesitantly through the gate._
JERRY [_to Jones_]. Here comes the State of Idaho.
FISH [_timorously_]. Good morning, Mr. President. How are you?
JERRY. Oh, I’m all right.
FISH [_hurriedly producing the telegram and mumbling his words_]. Got a
little matter here, disagreeable duty. Want to get through as quickly as
possible. “Senator Joseph Fish, Washington, D. C. Present the State of
Idaho’s compliments to President Frost, and tell him that the people of
Idaho demand his immediate resignation.” [_He folds up the telegram and
puts it in his pocket._] Well, Mr. President, I guess I got to be going.
[_He moves toward the gate and then hesitates._] This was to have been
my wedding-reception day. Of course, Doris will never marry me now. It’s
a very depressing thing to me, President Frost. [_With his hand on the
gate latch._] I suppose you want me to tell ’em you won’t resign, don’t
you?
JONES. We won’t resign.
FISH. Well, then it’s only right to tell you that Judge Fossile of the
Supreme Court will bring a motion of impeachment at three o’clock this
afternoon.
_He turns melancholy eyes on Doris’s window. He kisses his hand
toward it in a tragic gesture of farewell. Then he goes out._
_Jerry looks at Mr. Jones as though demanding encouragement._
JERRY. They don’t know the man they’re up against, do they, Mr. Jones?
JONES. They certainly do not.
JERRY [_lying desperately and not even convincing himself_]. I’ve got
resources they don’t know about.
JONES. If you’ll pardon a suggestion, I think the best move you could
make, Mr. President, would be to demand your father’s resignation
immediately.
JERRY [_incredulously_]. Put Dada out? Why, he used to work in a bank
when he was young, and he knows all about the different amounts of
money.
_A pause._
JERRY [_uncertainly_]. Do you think I’m the worst President they ever
had?
JONES [_considering_]. Well, no, there was that one they impeached.
JERRY [_consoling himself_]. And then there was that other fellow--I
forget his name. He was _ter_rible. [_Another disconsolate pause._] I
suppose I might as well go down and get a cigar.
JONES. There’s just one more man out here to see you and he says he came
to do you a favor. His name is--the Honorable Snooks, or Snukes,
Ambassador from Irish Poland.
JERRY. What country’s that?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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