DORIS. Would you let having a husband stand in the way of your life’s happiness? I tell you I wouldn’t. I’d say to Joe: “You run up to the store and buy a bag of peanuts and come back in about twenty years.” I would, Charlotte. If I could marry Douglas Fairbanks I’d get rid of Joseph in some peaceful way if I _could_--but if I couldn’t I’d give him some glass cough-drops without a minute’s hesitation. CHARLOTTE [_horrified_]. Doris! DORIS. And I told Joseph so, too. This marriage business is all right for narrow-minded people, but I like to be where I can throw over a fella when it gets to be necessary. CHARLOTTE. If you had Jerry you wouldn’t feel that way. DORIS. Why, can’t you see, Charlotte, that’s the way Jerry must have felt? _Charlotte, overcome, rises to go._ And, Charlotte, I don’t want to depress you, but if he _is_--if it turns out that he is in the mor--in that place--I know where you can get some simply _stunning_ mourning for---- _Charlotte begins to weep._ Why, what’s the matter? I just thought it’d cheer you up to know you could get it cheap. You’ll have to watch your money, you know. _Charlotte hurries from the room._ DORIS. I wonder what’s the matter with her. JOSEPH FISH [_outside_]. Oh, Doris! _Doris goes to the window._ DORIS. How did you know I was here? FISH [_outside_]. They told me at your house. Can I come in? DORIS. Yes, but don’t holler around so. Haven’t you got any respect for the missing? _Fish comes in._ FISH. Doris, I’m awfully sorry about---- DORIS. Oh, Joseph, haven’t you got any sense? Sitting there last night everything was perfect, and just when I was feeling sentimental you began talking about embalming--in the _twi_light. And I was just about to take out my removable bridge.... FISH. I’m sorry.... Have they found your sister’s husband yet? DORIS. No. FISH. Has he gone away permanently? Or for good? DORIS. We don’t know. We’re having the dives combed. Listen, has any one in your family ever had aphasia? FISH. What’s that? DORIS. Where you go off and fall in love with girls and don’t know what you’re doing. FISH. I think my uncle had that. DORIS. Sort of dazed? FISH. Well, sort of. When there was any women around he got sort of dazed. DORIS [_thoughtfully_]. I wonder if you could inherit a thing from your uncle. [_She removes her gum secretly._] What are you chewing, Joe? FISH. Oh, just an old piece of something I found in my mouth. DORIS. It’s gum. I thought I asked you not to chew gum. It doesn’t look clean-cut for a man to be chewing gum. You haven’t got any sense of what’s nice, Joseph. See here, suppose I was at a reception and went up to Mrs. Astor or Mrs. Vanderbilt or somebody, like this: [_She replaces her own gum in her mouth--she needs it for her imitation._] How do you do, Mrs. Vanderbilt? [_Chew, chew._] What do you think she’d say? Do you think she’d stand it? Not for a minute.