The Vegetable; or, From President to PostmanFitzgerald, F. Scott (Francis Scott)
General
The Vegetable; or, From President to Postman
Fitzgerald, F. Scott (Francis Scott)
American drama -- 20th century
FISH. Well, when I start going with Mrs. Vanderbilt will be plenty of
time to stop.
_From outside is heard the sound of a metallic whistle, a melodious
call in C major._
What’s that?
DORIS. Don’t ask me.
FISH. It’s pretty. It must be some kind of bird.
_The whistle is repeated. It is nearer._
There it is again.
_Doris goes to the window._
DORIS. It’s only the postman.
FISH. I never heard a postman with a whistle like that.
DORIS. He must be a new one on this beat. That’s too bad. The old one
used to give me my mail wherever I met him, even if he was four or five
blocks from my house.
_The sound again--just outside the door now._
I’ll let him in.
_She goes to the door and opens it. The figure of the new postman
is outlined in the doorway against the morning sky. It is Jerry
Frost._
_But for a particular reason neither Doris nor Joseph Fish
recognize him. He is utterly changed. In the gray uniform his once
flabby figure appears firm, erect--even defiant. His chin is
up--the office stoop has gone. When he speaks his voice is full of
confidence, with perhaps a touch of scorn at the conglomerate
weaknesses of humanity._
JERRY. Good morning. Would you like some mail?
DORIS [_taken somewhat aback_]. Why, sure. I guess so.
JERRY. It’s a nice morning out. You two ought to be out walking.
FISH [_blankly_]. Huh?
JERRY. Is this number 2127? If it is, I’ve got a good-looking lot of
mail for you.
DORIS [_with growing interest_]. What do you mean, a good looking lot of
mail?
JERRY. What do I _mean_? Why, I mean it’s got variety, of course.
[_Rummaging in his bag._] I got eight letters for you.
DORIS. Say, you’re new on this beat, aren’t you?
JERRY. Yes, I’m new but I’m good. [_He produces a handful of letters._]
I’m the best one they ever had.
FISH. How do you know? Did they tell you?
JERRY. No, I just feel it. I know my job. I can give any other mailman
stamps and post-cards and beat him with bundles. I’m just naturally
_good_. I don’t know why.
DORIS. I never heard of a mailman being _good_.
JERRY. They’re mostly all good. Some professions anybody can get into
them, like business or politics for instance, but you take
postmen--they’re like angels, they sort of pick ’em out.
[_Witheringly._] They not only pick ’em out--they select ’em.
FISH [_fascinated_]. And you’re the best one.
JERRY [_modestly_]. Yes, I’m the best one they ever had. [_He looks over
the letters._] Now here’s what I call a clever ad. Delivered a lot of
these this morning. Children like ’em, you know. They’re from the carpet
company.
FISH. Let’s see it. [_He takes the ad eagerly._]
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account