JERRY. Because I say to you, “Take a letter.” FISH [_wildly amused_]. Ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha! JERRY [_with some satisfaction_]. That’s a good one, isn’t it? I made that one up this morning. FISH. Ha-ha! Ho-ho! DORIS. Joseph, I asked you to have some respect for the missing. [_To Jerry._] You see there’s a fella missing here and it’s his wife that needs the letter. FISH [_jealously_]. Who’s _your_ letter from? DORIS [_reading it_]. It’s from my last fiancé. It says he didn’t mean to drink the perfume, but the label was off the bottle and he thought it was bay rum. FISH. My God! Will you forgive him? JERRY. Don’t worry, my boy. Bay rum or perfume, he killed her love with the first swallow. [_He goes toward the door._] Good-by. I’ll try to find that letter for the lady here that needs it so bad. DORIS. Good-by--and thanks. FISH. Let me open the door. _He opens the door. Jerry goes out. Doris and Fish stare at each other._ DORIS. Isn’t he wonderful? FISH. He’s a peach of a fella, but---- DORIS. I know what you’re going to say; that you’ve seen him somewhere before. FISH. I’m trying to think where. Maybe he’s been in the movies. DORIS. I think it’s that he looks like some fella I was engaged to once. FISH. He’s _some_ mailman. DORIS. The nicest one I ever saw. Isn’t he for you? FISH. By far. Say, Charlie Chaplin’s down at the Bijou. DORIS. I don’t like him. I think he’s vulgar. Let’s go and see if there’s anything artistic. _Fish makes an indistinguishable frightened noise._ DORIS. What’s the matter? FISH. I’ve swallowed my gum. DORIS. It ought to teach you a moral. _They go out. Charlotte comes in drearily. She glances first eagerly, then listlessly at the letters and throws them aside._ _Clin-ng! The door-bell. She starts violently, runs to open it. It is that astounding product of our constitution, Mr. Snooks._ CHARLOTTE [_in horror_]. Oh, what do you want? SNOOKS [_affably_]. Good morning, lady. Is your husband around? CHARLOTTE. No. What have you done with him, you beast! SNOOKS [_surprised_]. Say, what’s biting you, lady? CHARLOTTE. My husband was all right until you came here with that poison! What have you done with him? Where is he? What did you give him to drink? Tell me, or I’ll scream for the police! Tell me! Tell me! SNOOKS. Lady, I ain’t seen your husband. CHARLOTTE. You lie! You know my husband has run away. SNOOKS [_interested_]. Say now, has he? I had a hunch he would, sooner or later. CHARLOTTE. You made him. You told him to, that night, after I went out of the room! You suggested it to him. He’d never have thought of it. SNOOKS. Lady, you got me wrong. CHARLOTTE. Then where is he? If I’m wrong, find him. SNOOKS [_after a short consideration_]. Have you tried the morgue? CHARLOTTE. Oh-h-h! Don’t say that word! SNOOKS. Oh, he ain’t in the morgue. Probably some Jane’s got hold of him. She’ll send him home when she gets all his dough.