Diary fiction; English fiction -- 20th century; Love stories; Young women -- Fiction
They are not going back to London until to-morrow morning, and dinner
has yet to be got through. Oh! I do feel in a temper, and I can never
tell of the emotions that were throbbing through me as I came up the
great stairs just now. A sudden awakening to the humiliation of the
situation! How had I ever been able to contemplate marrying a man
I did not know, just to secure myself a comfortable home! It seems
preposterous now. I suppose it was because I have always been brought
up to the idea, and until I came face to face with the man, it did
not strike me as odd. Fortunately he can never guess that I had been
willing to accept him--my dissimulation has stood me in good stead. Now
I am animated by only one idea! To appear as agreeable and charming to
Mr. Carruthers as possible. The aim and object of my life shall be to
make him regret his decision. When I hear him imploring me to marry
him, I shall regain a little of my self-respect! And as for marriage,
I shall have nothing to do with the horrid affair! Oh dear no! I shall
go away free, and be a happy adventuress--I have read the “Trois
Mousquetaires,” and “Vingt Ans Après”--Mademoiselle had them--and I
remember milady had only three days to get round her jailer, starting
with his hating her, whereas Mr. Carruthers does not hate me, so that
counts against my only having one evening. I shall do my best--!
_Thursday night._
I WAS down in the library, innocently reading a book when Mr.
Carruthers came in. He looked even better in evening dress, but he
appeared ill-tempered, and no doubt found the situation unpleasant.
“Is not this a beautiful house?” I said, in a velvet voice, to break
the awkward silence, and show him I did not share his unease. “You had
not seen it before, for ages, had you?”
“Not since I was a boy,” he answered, trying to be polite. “My aunt
quarrelled with my father--she was the direct heiress of all this,
and married her cousin, my father’s younger brother--but you know the
family history, of course----”
“Yes.”
“They hated one another, she and my father.”
“Mrs. Carruthers hated all her relations,” I said demurely.
“Myself among them?”
“Yes,” I said slowly, and bent forward, so that the lamplight should
fall upon my hair. “She said you were too much like herself in
character for you ever to be friends.”
“Is that a compliment?” he asked, and there was a twinkle in his eye.
“We must speak no ill of the dead,” I said, evasively.
He looked slightly annoyed, as much as these diplomats ever let
themselves look anything.
“You are right,” he said. “Let her rest in peace.”
There was silence for a moment.
“What are you going to do with your life now?” he asked, presently. It
was a bald question.
“I shall become an adventuress,” I answered deliberately.
“A _what_?” he exclaimed, his black eyebrows contracting.
“An adventuress. Is not that what it is called? A person who sees life,
and has to do the best she can for herself.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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